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It’s New Year’s Eve and 2010 is just around the corner (not a moment too soon we might add). The New Year is a great time to begin anew and start off with some New Year’s resolutions. We don’t like to think of resolutions as being ironclad edicts (ex. “I must lose 10lbs this year or else I’m a failure”), but useful goals on the road to self improvement. We Edukatorz think that self improvement is always a good thing and that you can’t be awesome if you don’t know what you want. With that in mind, here are a few tips on how to formulate your resolutions for the coming year.

1) Evaluate

It’s important to evaluate what type of person you are and what you want out of life. While you should constantly be on the path to self discovery, now is a good time to really evaluate your life and figure out what you want and what and makes you happy. It’s okay if you don’t know what you want too. We’ve all had our fair share of existential crisis and knowing that you don’t know what you want is just as important. You don’t have to know or discover everything, but you’re not going to find out anything if you don’t ask yourself.

Now is also a good time to evaluate your relationships with people and yourself. Are there any toxic relationships you think are holding you back? Are there relationships you think you need to pursue? These are questions you can ask yourself now.

2) Be Realistic With Big Goals

Just because you may know what you want doesn’t mean it has to happen all at once or that it could happen all at once. Life is about the journey, not the destination (cheesy, but true). Make your New Years resolution something realistic that you know you can accomplish, there’s no reason to set yourself up for failure if you don’t think you can handle it. It’s good to put pressure on yourself, but don’t set the goal so high that you can’t reach it yet.

But, if you think you can handle the big goal, go for it, and don’t be afraid to fail. A fear of flying has prevented many people from achieving or even setting up their goals.

3) Small Changes

Maybe you don’t have a big goal for next year or you can’t think of any big changes you want to see in your life, don’t sweat it. Resolving to make a few small changes in the coming year is just as useful and just as important as making big ones. Even a little change can go a long way into making your life better.

4) Formulate

If you know what you want out of life or have a semblance of an idea, now is the time to formulate a goal or plan for 2010. You can’t get anywhere if you don’t  Let’s say you decided that 2010 is the year you’re going to learn how to DJ? Make a list of things you need to do to learn how to DJ, what equipment you need to buy and friends who can help you out. This way you have an actionable plan that could work.

This is the God the the Babylonians were honoring - Marduk!

The first decade of the 21st Century is rapidly coming to an end and 2010 is almost upon us. To celebrate the coming of the new year, many people draw up a list of resolutions for the coming year. A new year, a new beginning, right? Instead of instigating changes in ones personal life when one thinks it needs to happen, it’s much easier to pick an arbitrary date on the calendar (January 1st) and make a resolution to change. This has been the case for thousands of years.

New Year’s day celebrations began 4000 years ago in Babylon. Instead of celebrating New Year’s on January 1st like Western civilization does, they celebrated the first of the year at the first new moon after the Vernal Equinox equivalent to around March or April using our calendar. They celebrated New Year’s with an 11-day festival named Akitu. During those 11 days they partied hard and honored their gods. While partying, Babylonians also made resolutions, the most common being to return a piece of property back to someone they borrowed it from.

People celebrated New Year’s in March until 153BCE when the Romans moved the beginning of the calendar to January. January is named after the Roman God Janus who looked forward and backward through time. As part of their New Years celebrations, the Romans would exchange gifts and make resolutions about the coming year in honor Janus. Usually these resolutions involved forgiving enemies for wrongs committed the year before.

So after a couple a thousand years we may not party as hard as the Babylonians or the Romans, but we still have New Year’s resolutions. Don’t forget that if you’re thinking of not having a resolution this year, you would be ignoring 4,000 years of beautiful tradition.

Knocking, err, champagne glasses....

While kissing someone at midnight on New Year’s may not be necessary, it sure is fun. What better way to ensure you’re going to have an awesome year ahead of you then by making out with someone at the beginning?

Unless you have a significant other you’re spending New Year’s Eve with, there’s no sure fire way to get a midnight smooch, but follow these steps and you too will at least increase your chances

1) Go to a Party

While the Edukatorz tend to think that New Year’s Eve (along with St. Patrick’s Day and sometimes Halloween) is amateur hour for people who don’t really know how to drink and party, it’s still important to get out there to a New Year’s Eve Party if you want a midnight kiss. Hopefully one of your friends will be having a party, this is the perfect spot for a midnight make-out as it will not be too crowded. If you find yourself at one of those huge bar celebrations, never fear you could probably find someone to kiss, just make sure s/he doesn’t puke on your shoes. Also try not to get too drunk, it’s not very attractive.

2) Talk People Up

Most likely, there are plenty of people at the party you’re attending that also want a midnight smooch, the key is to find these people and see if any of them are compatible with you. It is a midnight kiss, you don’t want to make out with just anyone. There are lots of people in the same boat as you are who also want a midnight kiss so just walk around the party and start talking to people who look like they may be single (note: DO NOT BE CREEPY). There’s a chance you could hit it off with one of them and voila smooch city.

3) Solicit Your Friends

You could have an awesome friend group where everyone makes out with each other all the time. If this is the case, you obviously have no need for this column. For the other 95% of us that don’t make out with their friends all the time, it’s okay to solicit your friends for a smooch. You could ask one of your friends for a quick kiss at midnight or ask that they bring a friend that is amiable to being kissed by you (this is preferable). Make sure nothing is awkward though, awkwardness is the enemy of awesome and everyone should always strive to be awesome.

4) Don’t Worry About It

Don’t worry about whether or not you’re going to get a midnight smooch. If you go into the situation searching for only a kiss that night, you might not find it. Potential make-out partners can smell desperation, so don’t be desperate your year is still going to be great whether you make-out with someone or not. Just be suave and follow the above steps. Even if you don’t get your midnight kiss, you just might get your make-out from someone you meet that night later on down the road.

Our presents never look this neatly wrapped unless someone else did it for us.

It may shock you readers to know that the Edukatorz have been known to procrastinate about, oh say everything. Our Christmas shopping isn’t nearly done yet, so we assume yours might not be either. Since we’re experts on thriving when the pressure is on us, we’ve compiled some handy tips on last minute gifts that won’t seem like you got them at the last minute.

1. Gift Cards, we guess.

We think gift cards are kind of a lame gift anyway. It says “not only am I too lazy/uncreative to buy you an actual gift, but you now know exactly how much money I think you’re worth.” But when in a tight spot you got to do what you got to do. In this case we say go a more creative route than just a generic iTunes or Gap gift card. Instead buy them a certificate for a massage. Or if you know they like yoga, purchase a few classes for them at their favorite studio. Likewise if they’re cooks or DIYers a gift certificate to their favorite kitchen store or hardware store will be welcomed. Know what your loved one wants and needs and base your gift card purchase on that.

2. Make them a gift.

While it may seem counter intuitive to make a gift if you’re running out of time, it doesn’t have to be. The key is to know what you’re good at. If you’re an excellent cook or baker, make them some delicious treats. Likewise you can gift ingredients so that they can make their own tasty treat. For example, get a jar of some sort and put in the dried ingredients for lentil soup and a recipe. Not only is it thoughtful, but it looks like you put more effort into it than you actually did. Maybe you’re not a cook, you can give your loved one a personal certificate for one act you’re really good at. For instance, if you’re good with cars you could offer to change the persons oil for them. You could also make them a mixtape, scarf or some sort of craft. They key is to know what you’re good at and base your gift on that.

3. Re-gift

Re-gifting may seem a little tacky to some, but times have changed, we’re in a recession and trying to be greener. The key to re-gifting is to make sure a) you don’t re-gift the gift to someone in the same social circle as the person who gave you the gift and b) that the gift has no sentimental value. You can’t really re-gift the sweater your Grandmother gave you to your cousin on that side of the family, that is tacky and we should hope you were raised better. But, if you ended up getting a pound of coffee at the office gift exchange and you don’t drink coffee, it’s okay to re-gift it to someone else. Re-gift a gift you don’t want, but only if you know the other recipient will like it and that it won’t hurt the original givers feelings.

4. Recycle.

Gifting something you already have in your house can be a sentimental gift if done right. You could give them a plant they’ve admired in your house or a painting you’ve done that’s hanging on your wall. Gifts like the dog-eared copy of your favorite book with an inscription to your loved one are very personal and let the other person know you really care about them.

5. When in doubt buy booze.

Unless your family member/co-worker/friend is a recovering addict/religious, booze is always a good gift.

This totally gets us in the mood.

Continuing our “And if you don’t know” holiday series about plants related to Christmas, we’re going to talk about mistletoe. If you didn’t know, it is a Christmas tradition that if two people are underneath mistletoe they are supposed to kiss. What that has to do with the birth of Christ, we’re not sure, but we’re all about the holiday season and we’re all about any excuse to make-out.

Like a lot of Christmas tradition, the mistletoe has its roots in paganism. Scandinavians, Romans and Druids all held the plant in high regard.

Druids thought that the mistletoe had mystical powers and was a symbol of immortality because of its ability to grow off the ground and stay green year round. The Druids had a special ceremony where they would cut down the bough of mistletoe with a golden sickle five days after the first New Moon after the Solstice. The bough of mistletoe wasn’t allowed to touch the ground or else it would lose it’s magical powers. After the mistletoe was cut down it was distributed by the Druid priests to the people to hang over their doorways to ward off evil spirits. Druids would also use the berries to kill people during human sacrifices. How this jived with immortality is unclear.

Loki talking Hoder into shooting his brother. What a dick.

In Scandinavia, mistletoe was believed to be a plant of peace. If two enemies encountered each other under mistletoe they had to put down their arms and kiss and make-up. This came from the Norse myth about Baldr, a god of vegetation. When Baldr was born his mother Frigga went around the world making all the plants, animals and inanimate objects promise not to hurt Baldr. Apparently she forgot to ask mistletoe because the god Loki figured out a loophole and told this other god Hoder (Baldr’s brother) to make an arrow out of the mistletoe. Hoder was fighting with Baldr over this goddess Nanna they both wanted to bone so he decided to kill Baldr with the mistletoe arrow. Baldr’s death caused there to be winter all the time until the rest of the gods decided to resurrect him so it wouldn’t be winter all the time. Frigga then declared the mistletoe sacred and decreed that two people passing underneath the mistletoe must kiss to celebrate Baldr’s return to life. Makes sense.

Romans also dug mistletoe, they used it during Saturnalia. The Roman feast of Saturn, aka Saturnalia, was held in late December and celebrated Saturn (duh). It was basically a huge orgy where they would drink, eat, give gifts and bone a lot to honor Saturn (Think Studio 54 in it’s heyday). This is clearly superior to Christmas. One of the ways they would honor and celebrate Saturn, who apparently was a pervert/awesome, was by performing fertility rituals (translation: orgies) underneath mistletoe.

Combine all of these traditions together and voila you have the custom of smooching underneath the mistletoe around Christmas.

If you were on the east coast this weekend, you probably found yourself in annoying snow-related situations. If you live in DC, you probably panicked, emptied the shelves at Safeway before they closed for a snow emergency, and hunkered down for the snowpocalypse like the rest of the city (really, what is it with Washingtonians and their dire fear of snow?). If you were lucky enough to be stranded with a significant other, we’re sure you enjoyed your weekend. No better weather for making out than a snowstorm! For the rest of you, snowstorms can still be excellent makeout opportunities. However, you have to make sure your game is tight if you want to seal the deal. Dean Martin has an excellent demonstration of the right approach in the sleazy classic Baby, It’s Cold Outside.

When you have the object of your desire in your home during a snowstorm, you can’t let that slip through your fingers. Dean Martin is clearly aware of the possibilities, and in this song attempts to woo a hesitant potential makeout partner into staying and, well, making out.

First, you want to make sure you’ve always got the right props on hand in case you find yourself in this scenario. Dean has a roaring fire to tempt his potential, but we can’t all be so lucky. We’ve pointed out before that Comcast’s On Demand screensavers include a tasteful alternative, the television yule log. While its pleasant Christmas carol soundtrack might not be as practical a defense against the cold as the crackling of a real fire, in conjunction with a space heater you might be able to work something out.

A Yule Log for the Technology Age

We recommend muting the yule log and following Dean’s lead in suggesting listening to some records. Or CDs. Or mp3s or whatever. Listening to music is an excellent “we’re-stuck-here-so-let’s-get-cozy” activity because while it provides fuel for conversation, it doesn’t distract the way a movie does and you might even impress your date-by-force. You’re also going to want to make sure you have a stocked liquor cabinet, so that if your potential gets to the point of leaving, you can offer a tempting drink. The Edukatorz do not, however, recommend getting your date drunk, because then if you make out it’s date rape, and that’s bad.

Snow is great because you have every excuse for your potential staying ready-made. Maybe your date needs to leave, but “baby, it’s cold out there,” “no cabs to be had out there,” “it’s up to your knees out there.” As Dean shows us, when your potential tries to leave, dismiss the idea with one of these excuses, then quickly turn the conversation to compliments, romantic innuendo, and a touch of not-too-pathetic begging. The begging shouldn’t be too whiney, but just pointing out how bored and lonely you’ll be if your date leaves can be an effective guilt incentive. For romantic innuendo, “I thrill when I touch your hand” is a great line because it doesn’t require an awkward response, it’s not too direct or threatening, and yet it gets your potential thinking. And after a night snowed in with you listening to records, any rational human being is going to be thinking about making out.

Happy Hipster Friday! This is the last Hipster Friday of 2009, we’ll keep updating the rest of the holidays, but we take off for Christmas and New Years because we’re lazy.

Hipsters celebrate the Holiday’s just like everyone else. While Becky and Chad are out at fancy cocktail parties, hipsters have their own types of parties to celebrate the season. To have your very own hipster holiday party follow the steps below.

1) Choose what holiday you’re celebrating.

While a lot of hipsters choose to have a Christmas, Hanukkah or general holiday party, others choose to go the pop culture route in an attempt to be witty and relevant. Most often this will will result in having either a Festivus or Chrismukkah . Festivus is a holiday copped from Seinfeld and Chrismukkah is a holiday copped from The O.C.. While both were awesome shows, and they’re both interesting holiday ideas, both shows only live on in syndication and have been off the air since 1998 and 2007 respectively.

2) Decorate properly.

If a hipster is doing a Christmas or Hanukkah themed party the decorations will be minimal at best. Perhaps a sad looking Charlie Brown Tree or an electric Menorah will make an appearance. If you’re doing a Chrismukkah party, BOTH a sad looking Charlie Brown Tree and an electric Menorah are necessary.

Festivus is a little trickier since you need the traditional aluminum Festivus poll. Any other piece of Seinfeld paraphernalia will also work for decoration.

Entire neighborhoods get in on this action. Ex. Adams Morgan in D.C.

3) Choose a gimmick to force your guests to participate in.

Party time!

No hipster holiday party is complete without the completely unnecessary gimmick. Some parties require you to wearan ugly sweater, you know because there are a lot of ugly holiday sweaters out there. This is an attempt to mock the sartorial choices of others. If you hate your friends, we suggest going this route.

If it’s a Festivus party hosts will often make the guests air their grievances, just like Seinfeld. this can get a little hairy amongst friends/frenemies, especially with the booze flowing. Feats of strength could also be attempted if the booze/nose candy is involved.

Not this Game, the other type of game.

Game.

Yeah, we’re talking about game today. More specifically, we’re talking about how “game” doesn’t actually need to exist. Anybody that tells you that they have “game” with the ladies is an insecure braggart. “Game?” Really? You know how to have a conversation. Good. You know how to be interesting and not socially awkward. Good. You know how to relate to someone. Wonderful. None of this means in any way that you have “game.” Rather, you’re a normal and functional member of society with abnormally high talents in the social arena, hence, you attract people to be in your company. Congrats.

I hate that we have to codify common sense these days. I really despise the fact that just talking to women, a relatively simple idea, has to be trapped in this as well. There’s something inherently wrong with society when we have to treat women like animals and objects and come up with theories and ideas and convoluted strategies to merely strike up a conversation and engender commonalities. Either you have it, or you don’t. We all have our particular malfunctions, and if yours so happens to be getting sweaty palmed and knock kneed around the opposite sex, well, I’m sorry, It doesn’t mean that you’re somehow dysfunctional, it means that you likely have a helluva lot more talent elsewhere, stereotypically in making rockets fly or inventing things. So what? You can’t talk to a woman. Well, once she figures out you invented rubber cement and are a billionaire, I’m thinking you look a whole lot more attractive than me in many ways, a very charismatic nine to five drone with terrific insomnia and a writing problem.

But what to do if again, you have no “game,” and like a vast preponderance of the universe wish to presuppose that the concept is real? That’s why we’re here today. To teach you how to keep it simple, work hard, and achieve success. Good thing is, there’s someone for everyone. Sure, you may not win the Jessica Simpson or Rosa Acosta sweepstakes, but, if you really thought that was you, you’re both an asshole and an idiot, and I have no time for you.

Three simple suggestions:

a) Get to know people. Talk. Converse. With everyone. In 1960, British plastic surgeon Dr. Maxwelll Maltz posited that the human mind takes 21 days to form a habit. I tend to think that talking to one woman a day for 21 days isn’t terribly difficult. It can be as brief as chatting up the barista at the coffee shop, or as complex as chatting up an office employee. Take the late bus home? That bus driver can’t go anywhere, and neither can you. In any event, you’re either going to sink or swim, and learn the hard way what works. I hate on TV “geek to chic” dating shows when they make people talk to 75 people in their high school in one day. Instead, 1 person for 20 seconds or 20 minutes helps to teach calm, patience, listening and how to keep a flow, all important concepts.

b) Exposure. As with anything, breaking out of your pre-determined shell of what your life is is always a great idea to destroy social hangups. Going to the gym, shopping at a different grocery store, drinking at a different bar, going out with a different set of friends forces you to expand, and, at the same time expands your social net. No need for speed dating or couples tango or any of that nonsense. Just keep it simple. You’ll be surprised that if you are a computer programmer who plays Dungeons and Dragons, your lack of “game” in the hottest trance club may be a big hit at your neighborhood dive bar. The more you expose yourself, the better off your “game” becomes.

c) Comfort. Increase your comfort level in yourself. Look at yourself hard in the mirror if you say you have no “game.” There’s definitely something about you that makes them appear wildly uncomfortable in public surroundings. You don’t need a “makeover coach” to tell you you probably want to lose 20 pounds. You probably don’t need a makeover coach to tell you you want to switch eyewear. You probably don’t need a makeover coach to tell you you need a shave and a haircut. A makeover coach doesn’t need to tell you that the story about getting drunk with your boys and shooting off potato guns in the forest while drinking Natty Bohs isn’t exactly a smooth opener. Imagine the ideal you want to reach, and achieve it. Strive for it, make it your goal, and watch your talents increase with “game.”

In conclusion, a story.

Eight years ago I was a 190 pound ex-DJ and office worker who wore ill fitting khakis and rumpled shirts to work with scuffed dress shoes. I got tore down drunk three nights a week in top 40 clubs attempting to look for women who wouldn’t even think about checking for me. When that failed I sat in my apartment for months of nights and really shut off all contact with the outside world. When that concept (as well as my body) started to stink, I did things for fun like grow Grizzly Adams beards and walk into temp assignments looking like a werewolf. From there, I spent weekends on Greyhound buses as a pro wrestling journalist and later performer as a manager, traveling to shows up and down the East coast. I moped about dating and meeting women and stumbled into an eventually horrible relationship because I was unhappy with myself and depressed, and was amazed that someone took pity on my dopey eyes and subtle wit. Not a good look.

Fast forward and I had an ideal in mind, and either met or exceeded every standard I wanted. Do I have any more or less “game” than before? More than certainly debatable. But somehow, by expanding my social circles as I was making necessary improvements to myself, as well as talking to just about everyone I met, and knowing and mastering the changes that I felt needed to be made, I’ve succeeded. To have “game” is hard. The concept is more than certainly ridiculous, but if you choose to believe in it, there’s the answers to having it.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to common sense. Achieve, understand and stay true to that, achieve the nirvana of “game.”

If you don’t know, now you know. You’ve been edukated.

Marcus Dowling is all over the Internet. You can read what he has to say, usually about music, at his own site, True Genius Requires Insanity (tgrionline.com), as well as Brightest Young Things (brightestyoungthings.com), The Couch Sessions (thecouchsessions.com), Baltimore’s 41Yo.com, and Atlanta’s Art Nouveau Magazine (an-mag.com) and a full slate of others as well. Follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/marcuskdowling.

Christmastime is full of many strange customs: gingerbread houses, Black Friday, stuffing your face with delicious cookies, etc. One of the stranger customs we can think of is putting up a Christmas tree. On face it doesn’t seem that strange, but that’s because it’s so normalized in our culture. Think about it, who thought to themselves, “what better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than with a dead evergreen tree?”

The History of the Christmas Tree
Oddly enough there aren’t any mentions of an evergreen tree being present at the birth of Christ (unlike reports of lobsters). Like many Christian traditions, the Christmas tree may have its roots in pagan rituals. Many ancient societies in the Northern hemisphere would celebrate the Winter Solstice by decorating their homes with evergreen boughs or, in the case of the Egyptians, green palm leaves.

The modern version of the Christmas tree is said to have developed in Germany around the 16th or 17th centuries and spread throughout Europe. In the early 1800′s, German immigrants brought the tradition of the Christmas Tree to the United States. Puritans in the U.S. were a huge buzzkill and didn’t approve of any sort of celebration of Christmas so Christmas trees didn’t become prevalent in the U.S. until the late 19th/early 20th century.

The Environmental Effects of Christmas Trees
While we like cutting down trees (we will admit we love the smell of evergreen trees), there are  environmental issues surrounding the cultivation of Christmas trees.

In the early 20th Century over harvesting of evergreen trees for Christmas was such a problem in the U.S. that even President Theodore Roosevelt tried to discourage people from having Christmas trees out of fear of decimating forests. Instead of eliminating the custom, conservationists came up with the idea of the tree farm.

Now Christmas trees are grown on large farms where producers either cut down the trees themselves and ship them to Christmas tree retailers or allow consumers to come and pick out their own tree on the farm. Like many agricultural products in the U.S., Christmas trees are grown on giant farms that use lots of pesticides that can cause environmental damage due to runoff. Real Christmas trees can also overwhelm municipality trash services that aren’t prepared to turn the trees into mulch.

Safety Risks
Christmas trees are highly flammable. It is important to make sure the tree is well watered so that they needles don’t become dry. Also, make sure to always unplug any electric lights hanging on the real tree when not in use to further decrease the risk of fire.

Alternatives to Dead Trees
If you’re still into the whole tradition, there are a few alternatives to the dead evergreen tree. You can also go with a plastic tree and reuse it year after year. You can also be super eco-friendly and get a small potted evergreen tree, shrub or even rosemary bush if you want to go wild.

The holidays are for family, solemn reflection on whichever of the midwinter miracles you like, and egg nog. However, a surprisingly large portion of Christmas carols deal with longing for one’s significant other (this even beats out a twisted desire for snow, proportionately). There are two reasons for this: because everyone wants to buy stuff for someone and get stuff in return and because it’s fucking cold out and another person’s body heat might come in handy.

Aaron Neville

No Christmas song encapsulates desire like “Such a Night,” and no version of it is guaranteed makeout background music like Aaron Neville’s. The smoothness of his voice is perfect for the sensual content of the track. Sure, it’s pretty innocent, but the implications are a lot dirtier than the lyrics themselves. “It was a kiss/oooo what a kiss it was it really was/such a kiss/how she could kiss…just the thought of her lips sets me afire/I reminisce, I’m filled with desire.” There’s two sides to this – one, you know they’re not just kissing. But two, he’s really into her to be able to sing about her kiss like that.

The whole song deals with the fact that he’s only got her for one night – it goes from the waiting period, to the fleeting joy of making out, to her leaving the next day as he deals with family and friends. It’s perfect for the holidays because it’s like an adult version of how kids feel about Christmas – the buildup, listening for Santa’s hooves on the roof (or in this case, your baby in the driveway), the joy of the holiday itself despite knowing you’ve got one short day to open presents, and then waking up to find you  have to wait a whole year for it to come around again. Regardless, that one night of joy is completely worth it, and you are free to reminisce as much as you want afterwards.

So, if you want hot holiday makings out of the kind described in this here track – and you know Aaron Neville wants you to (“May your days be cheerful and your burdens be light/but mostly I wish everyone such a night”), there are a few very simple steps. First, light fireplace or turn on Comcast’s useful on-demand fireplace screen saver for your television. Make egg nog. Put on Aaron Neville’s “Such a Night.” Make out.

Idealized Holiday Makeout Setting