edukatorz.com

No, real teenagers, not french bloghaus bands.

One of the Edukatorz decided to go to see of Montreal at the 9:30 Club last night and instead of seeing a slightly older crowd as expected, we got a younger crowd. There were X’s on hands as far as the eye could see. We stupidly didn’t bring a camera with us to document the scene, but trust us when we say there are teen hipsters out there waiting to become adult hipsters or whatever future social group we’ll mock in ten years.

What is a teen hipster?

A teen hipster, or thipster as we shall now refer to them, is a teenager who doesn’t feel like/can’t be a Becky and Chad in training, but instead chooses to live outside of the “mainstream.” Instead of being awesome and becoming a “band geek,” “math nerd,” “druggie,” or any of the other numerous cliques found in High School these teens choose to be a hipster.

The thipster often considers him/herself to be “misunderstood”, “artistic” and “being better than their peers.” They can often be confused with any of the “art kids” or “drama nerds” in High School, because of their artistic inclinations, but while they may wile away their time in the art room or auditorium, they’re not strictly “art kids” or “drama nerds.”Thipsters are kinda like baby hipsters and have the same interest in music, art, fashion etc. except it’s not as well developed and it’s usually on a 2-3 year delay from adult hipsters. Also,thipsters are usually kinda wimpy and don’t partake in substances like their adult idols with the exception of the occasional light beer or foray into their parents liquorcabinet.

Thipster’s dream of some day going to design school or some liberal arts college where they can study art, writing, graphic design and hang out with kids like themselves. In the mean time they occupy their time creating “art”, being in “indie bands” and hanging out on the Internet. Or, more realistically, they occupy their time talking about creating “art”,being in “indie bands,” and actually hang out on the Internet.

Why would they want to become hipsters?

An odd combination of low self-esteem and an inflated sense of self worth.

Where can you find thipsters?

Any all ages show of an indie act, coffee shops, Utrecht and other art stores, the mall, Guitar Center, their basements and on the Internet.

Kicking it old school.

It hurts the Edukatorz whenever we see a lady wearing a bra that clearly isn’t working for her. We consider it a crime against breasts, a crime we just won’t stand for. As a PSA we want to let all the ladies know that everyone can tell when your bra is the incorrect size. Even dudes who may not know that that’s the problem know something’s wrong with your breasts.

Making sure the bra you’re wearing is not only the correct size, but the correct cut for you is important. Wearing the correct bra for you not only makes your clothes fit better, it also improves your posture, makes you look more svelte and it makes your breasts happy. Everyone likes happy breasts.

1) What’s wrong with your bra size?

Apparently 80% of all women wear the incorrect bra size, a travesty of epic proportions. Clearly your breasts aren’t going to be happy if your bra size is incorrect.

When you’re wearing the correct size bra your bra should fit the following way:
- The band should be flat and parallel to your body
- The straps should go straight up or in a slight V and shouldn’t sag or dig into your shoulders
- The cups should fit just below the crease of your breast
- The breasts should snuggly fit in the cup
- The center front should lay flat

Alas, many people’s bras do not fit them like this and they are wearing the incorrect size. Below are some of the tells to let you know what’s wrong with your bra size.
Band Size is too Big
A big problem you see is women wearing a band size that’s too big for her. The band is what supports the breasts the most and should be able to support your breasts largely without the aid of bra straps. A lot of women think they’re a 36C for instance when they’re actually a 34D. You can tell if your band size is too big if the band in the back rides up your back, like a pulley for your breasts, except your breasts are the weight. Your band could also be too big if the shoulder straps are digging into you, since the shoulder straps could be doing the support work the band is supposed to do.

Band Size is too Small
A problem you don’t see as often is wearing a band size that’s too small, but it does happen sometimes and can be really uncomfortable. If the band is cutting into your skin, chances are it’s too small. If the front of the band pulls down causing the underwire to sit down further than the underside of your breast, your band size is too small.

Cup Size is too Big
Cup size is an important factor. A lot of times when women lose weight, they forget that they may have gone down a cup size or two. If the cups look baggy, chances are you need to try a smaller size.

Cup Size is too Small
Your cup size might be too small because you’ve recently gained weight or are going through hormonal changes around your period, pregnancy, etc. If you get the dreaded “tri” or “quad” boob where your breasts are bulging up and over the top of your cups, then your cup size is too small. Your cup could also be too small if the underwire is digging into your breasts underneath your arms. The cup is supposed to support all of the breast tissue, not just some of it.

2) Properly Measuring Yourself

If you’re wearing the wrong size bra, you’re going to have to be properly measured to make sure you’re wearing the correct bra size. We like to go to a fancy lingerie boutique or a department store like Nordstrom or Bloomingdales once a year to make sure we have the right size. If for some reason you can’t make it out to one of these places all you need is a tape measure and you can easily measure yourself or have a friend measure you.

Begin by wearing your best fitting bra (even if it’s ill fitting) and tighten the straps so your breasts aren’t sagging. Take a deep breath and measure around your ribcage directly below your breasts after you’ve breathed the air out of your lungs. Make sure the tape measure is parallel to the floor and directly below your breasts. Once you have the measurement round up or down to the closest whole inch (please tell us you don’t need help rounding). Add 4 inches to the total if it’s an even number and 5 inches to the total if it’s an odd number, this is your band size.

Now that you have your band size it’s time to move onto your cup size. Stand straight and measure around the fullest part of your breast. Make sure the tape measure is parallel and that the tape measure isn’t too binding. Round the measurement you get to the nearest whole number and subtract your band size from this number. Ex. you measure a 36 around your breasts and your band size is a 34, 36″-34″ = 2″ = B cup. We made you a handy chart below to figure out your cup size.

*Note: If one breast is slightly smaller than the the other breast, don’t worry about it, it’s normal. Just try to size your bra so that it fits the larger breast.

3) Get the Right Type of Bra For Your Body

Not every type of bra is going to be a good fit for your breasts. The purpose of a bra is to support your breasts and if you have large breasts, that really cute demi-cup you were eying may not do the trick. There are a bunch of different types of bras, but for now we’ll just familiarize you with the two types of cup sizes. In the future, we’ll delve more into other bra types.

Demi-cup: A demi-cup bra is a bra where the cup doesn’t fully cover the breasts. While very cute, it’s not very functional for women who are a D cup or above since it tends to lead to boob spillage.

Full-cup: Full cup is exactly what it sounds like, a full cup for your breasts. This bra works on all breast types and sometimes is the only choice for those with bigger chests. The full-cup bra may not be the cutest bra out there, but it’s functional. If you don’t think it looks sexy, don’t worry, anyone you want seeing you in a bra probably wants to get you out of your bra.

4) Try Stuff on First

Breasts are a finicky beast and just because you know the correct size and type of bra you want, doesn’t mean it’s always going to fit well. Every brand fits differently, trust us. We’ve tried on 3-4 different brands of the same size bra and only walked away feeling one brand really fit well. Take the extra time to try stuff on and make sure it fits correctly.

When trying on a bra it should fit as stated above. Make sure the straps are properly adjusted and put the band on the loosest clasp to make sure it’s a snug enough fit.

If you want to buy your bras online, that’s cool, we’re all about e-commerce and have been known to buy our accouterments over the interwebs, but this is only after we’re sure of the fit of the specific brand we’re buying.

5) Know When To Say Goodbye

We know it’s sad when you have to say goodbye to your favorite bra, but unfortunately they don’t last forever. The only thing worse than wearing an ill sized bra is a bra that’s clearly worn out. Make sure wear your new bras on the loosest clasp of the band and gradually tighten the band as the elasticity in the band wears out. When the bra is loose on the tightest clasp, that’s when you know it’s time to throw it away.

This Sunday marks the 22^nd birthday of the Royal Rumble.  This is only the most fun night of professional wrestling of the year and the Edukatorz wish to commemorate it.  However, there are even times when the Edukatorz are in need of some education.  Thus, we turn it over to the Laugh Twins of  LOL, Wresslin’ .

1)      A Brief History (for context)

Let’s clear out the elephant in the room first; professional wrestling (or sports-entertainment as they call themselves now) is not a legitimate sporting event.  This is common knowledge.  Everyone knows this.  And we say everyone knows this, we mean everyone.  Even the people who watch it regularly.  So don’t assume that the fan base is all illiterate hicks.  We clear on this?  Good.  Because wrestling is imminently enjoyable both because of and despite this.  More on that later.

Although there is documentation of wrestling being entertainment going back to the Greek Ages, we will start with the 1980’s.  True, wrestling was a staple of early television programming, but it never really hit mainstream until Vince McMahon took his World Wrestling Federation (now known as World Wrestling Entertainment after a bout of arrogance with the World Wildlife Fund) national and captured the minds of many impressionable Gen Xers.  Also, what self respecting hipster doesn’t love everything 80’s and/or Cyndi Lauper?

The great boom of the 1980’s started with Hulk Hogan teaming up with Mr. T (yes, that Mr. T) in the first Wrestlemania.  Soon after, wrestling hit its apex at Wrestlemania III.  Around 90,000 people (and millions more on closed circuit television) witnessed Hogan bodyslam Andre the Giant [who was in The Princess Bride (more hipster cred).]

All the while, Ric Flair dominated a rival promotion (Jim Crockett/World Championship Wrestling) and was the hero of “real” wrestling fans.  Basically, he is the hero of those who don’t like Hulk Hogan.  Where as Hogan is all sizzle and no steak (the man is just an entertainer), Flair is a fantastic athletic performer who also happens to be charismatic enough to make people want to listen to him.  This is basically the dividing line of all wrestling fans; style vs. substance.

The mid-late 90’s were another boom period for wrestling, as it became more “mature.”  This is of course if your definition of mature is more cursing and blood couple with further objectification of women.

This basically relevant because wrestling today is trying to recapture the old vibe by using the same people from over 15 years ago.

This does not include Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who thinks he’s better than us.  Except that he really doesn’t.

2)      Glossary of terms

Mark: A mark is a fan of professional wrestling.  If someone follows the business on the Internet and critiques it he would be a mark.  If someone chooses to not do that and watch the product for pure enjoyment he is a mark.  If someone ever wants to get into the ring he is a mark.  Basically a mark is the worst thing you can call a wrestling fan, yet all will happily admit to being one.

It doesn’t make sense to us either.

If you refer to WWE as “WWF” or “Raw” or something that is slightly incorrect then you are a secret mark who watches regularly but are ashamed to admit it.

Face: Good guy

Heel: Bad guy

Pop: A positive reaction to something that happens.  For example, when the crowd cheers for a wrestler’s entrance music that is called “The pop.”  Also known as “Marking Out.”

Heat: The crowd reacts negatively to a heel’s evil actions.  This is good.  Not to be confused with “X-Pac heat.” This is either dead silence or people becoming annoyed.  This is bad.

Work: The actual athletics that occur in the ring.

Booking: The events that create storylines

Be sure to know these terms as they will be used liberally amongst wrestling fans.

3)      Contemporary things to know

A)     Wrestlers of note:

i)   Undertaker-  Still wrestling in a top position despite debuting with a ridiculous character in 1991.  Respected by both his peers and fans, the Undertaker has the rare combination of being huge, agile, entertaining to watch wrestle, and not being adverse to help make other wrestler’s better.  Universally loved by all marks, despite his recent hip replacement (which has impacted his work) and being the current World Champion, despite not remotely needing that title to build his character.

ii)  John Cena- The most complex character in wrestling.  Seriously.  Cena is a good looking Massachusetts frat boy who happens to love hip-hop.  Thus, he developed a Wigger character that just took off.  Eventually, that part of the character was dropped as he became more and more popular.  He gradually morphed into Hulk Hogan 2.0, as in he’s a super good guy who always does the right thing.  This made children love him.  However, adult males hate him, because women and children like him.  All the while, Cena has not changed his character one bit.  He has the amazing distinction of getting the loudest reaction of any wrestler, despite being vanilla bland.  Any self-respecting mark would hate John Cena, but a true mark actually would love him for this complexity.

iii)  CM Punk- In an industry riddled with drug abuse (and deaths) CM Punk stands tall as a legitimate straight edge person.  In wrestling’s wisdom they decided to make him a smug elitist.  Sort of the anti-John Cena, in the sense that his virtuous and good and should be loved by women and children, but due to his look and status amongst adult males, he is hated (in a good heel way.)  Still, he is awesome.

iv)  The Miz- Simultaneously awesome and sucks.  More on him at a later date.

B)     The current landscape of professional wrestling

WWE has one major competitor in TNA.  TNA recently has gone on a binge of old name signing, as Hulk Hogan was brought in “push them over the hump.”  This entails him bringing in his old, out of shape friends for one last pay day.  Hogan and his crew have already sucked one company dry (WCW) and look for this to happen again.

This of course is comedy fodder for marks.  They love to make fun of the old guys who won’t hang it up (we’re looking at you, Favre), yet will pop mercilessly when they come out.  The fact remains that if Hogan and Flair weren’t still popular, they would not draw any money.  However, never, under any circumstance, endorse the Hulk Hogan of today.  And be sure to comment on how sad Flair is today.  The marks will fill in on the rest.  Of course, this leads us back to our main point:

4)      How to watch professional wrestling

Professional wrestling is about telling a story.  It’s about believing that the men in that ring are fighting each other for a purpose.  This is no different than watching any other play or television show.  Wrestling only works when it is watched without irony.

There are two ways to achieve this.  You either turn your brain off for three hours and you believe everything that goes on.  Sure, you may know that X is stupid or Y is just silly, but so is life.  The other way to watch wrestling is through an analytical method.  You can critique the work of a specific match/wrestler.  You can analyze the booking and discuss why X happened or what will happen in the future.

These are the fundamentals to fitting in at whatever Royal Rumble party you may be attending this Sunday.  Knowing whatever particulars are going on is never of much importance; wrestling does a great job of filling you in along the way.  Also, if you ever have a question just ask!  Wrestling fans are emotionally arrested adults who love any validation of their adolescent hobby.  They’ll gladly talk forever about their topic.

And yes, we’re aware of the irony of that last sentence.

The Laugh Twins can be reached via their email lolwresslin@gmail.com.  Follow them on Twitter @lol_wresslin.  And be sure to check out their Royal Rumble live blog, Sunday January 31^st at 8 PM over at www.lolwresslin.blogspot.com.

While bars aren’t necessarily the best place to meet your soul mate, they have a longstanding tradition of being a great place to find some random making out. Much of one’s time at bars is spent perching on what (in some cases) are the most awkward contraptions for sitting mankind has ever developed. These are commonly called “barstools.” While some are quite comfortable, with high backs and foot rests, they can still make you look ridiculous when you try to get comfortable, and that is not going to help you find a make out partner.

Therefore, you need to keep in mind a few simple rules when you’re out at the bar. First, make sure you aren’t hunching over on the bar. As you get drunker, you probably get lazier, and leaning over on the bar is probably pretty comfortable. However, there’s nothing more off-putting than someone with their back to you, hunched over on their elbows. So if you want a makeout partner, you’re going to want to avoid the reclusive body language.

On the other hand, you don’t want to look like you’ve got a stick up your ass (in the literal sense). Sitting up too straight is going to scream uncomfortable. Not just in the sense that you’re perched on a barstool, but in the socially awkward way. And that’s not going to help your case. And for the ladies, that can go to an even greater extreme – and we see this all the time. Sticking out your chest is pretty much going to make you look like giant skank. So just don’t.

Seriously, this would just be scary at the corner dive bar.

The general rule of thumb we’re going for here is: relax, but not too much. The same way you aren’t wearing a ball gown out to a diner, but not your PJs either. Your posture is an underrated but important part of your wardrobe, and bar stools are the enemy of posture. Just keep this in mind next time you see a hottie down at the other end of the bar.

This guy's got it pretty much right.

This is a public service announcement for our hipster friends: please dress appropriately for the weather. We know that you want to wear leotards and fishnets year-round, and cocaine and alcohol are great at fending off the cold. However, your body isn’t actually warm, and getting frostbite or dying of exposure isn’t any fun. So, today we’re going to go over a few articles that are necessary to the winter wardrobe of the prepared hipster. Don’t worry, once you get inside the warehouse party you can strip down again.

We know you want to dress like this all the time.

The Jacket

Winter jackets are absolutely necessary. Not only do you need to keep your torso warm, but they’re the easiest way to show off some style. In the last couple of winters, we’ve seen a lot of plaids, but there’s also the military look to keep in mind. Those are flamboyant in and of themselves, of course, and a good hipster piles flamboyant on top of flamboyant. Of course, if you’re feeling particularly poetic and introspective, you can always rock the classic pea coat look. To do that, however, you’re going to want a mustache.

Plaid goes great with horn-rimmed glasses.

The Hat

The big hat this winter is the trapper hat, the kind with fur lining and ear flaps. You can even find them in plaid. We do not recommend matching the plaid on your hat to the plaid on your jacket, however.

Snowflakes work too.

The Gloves

The best gloves are always fingerless gloves. This is not only because you can smoke cigarettes while wearing them, but you can also text, check into foursquare and take pictures of your awesome hipster winter activities.

The most useful and fashionable sort of glove.

The Sweater

The sweater should always be as ironic as possible. Think of your great-uncle at Christmas circa 1980.

We have updated streetwear versions now.

Okay kids, now that you’ve bundled up you can head out to play in the snow.

NB: A keffiyeh is not an acceptable fashion accessory.

While educating you all on topics that we think are important is all well and good, we know that there are serious questions our readers have that need answers. We are here for you! In our new column, Dear Edukatorz, we’ll be answering your questions and concerns to the best of our abilities. If you need advice on something, please email us at weareedukatorz (at) gmail (dot) com and look for a response here!

Dear Edukatorz,

My boyfriend’s mustache is ruining our relationship. Please help! He started growing it about four months ago as a joke, and I thought it would be funny at first. But then it just stayed. He won’t shave it. It’s causing so many problems – I can’t introduce him to my parents looking like this! Let alone the fact that he doesn’t keep leftovers in the fridge anymore. He says he has plenty of bits of food in his mustache! We haven’t had sex in weeks, it’s just so unattractive I can barely bring myself to make out with him. And when we do kiss, it’s scratchy and gross. It’s like a furry uninvited pet has come between us. I never thought I was a Becky, but does my revulsion of his mustache mean I’m attracted to Chads? What should I do?

-Reluctant Becky

This is actually a problem sweeping the nation.

Dear RB,

You do NOT have to be a Becky to hate mustaches. Remember, your boyfriend’s mustache is not a reflection on you, and you can‘t blame yourself for thinking it was fun at first. A lot of people do. At least you’ve recognized the problem. The mustache pandemic is affecting men of the hipster scenes from LA to NYC.

To help your boyfriend, you have to understand his problem. At first the mustachioed think it’s just a bit of fun. It makes them feel energetic and powerful. As soon as they shave it off, however, they become depressed and edgy, and crave the mustache. When they grow it back, they just keep going, chasing that first mustache experience, until there’s no stopping them. What they don’t understand is that mustaches don’t affect only the wearer, but the ones around them, a problem you are grappling with now.

We just hope your boyfriend isn’t a full-on mustache junkie yet. Does he carry around a mustache comb? Does he constantly stroke it? Worse, does it have a name? If not, there is hope for him to come around with no lasting scars. You should consider staging an intervention with his mustache-free friends. Talk about how the mustache is hurting the ones he loves.

If he’s past reasoning, you can try to shave it off while he’s asleep. Be careful when he wakes up, though: the cold-turkey approach can send some into shock. The first few days are the hardest – keep him away from costume shops and make sure you can supply him with razors. Check whether that’s a 5 o’clock shadow or a day’s worth of stubble. And always give him positive reinforcement – he can’t do this without your support.

Good luck, and thanks for writing in.

-The Edukatorz

While watching TV the other day, we noticed an add for Benefiber and thought to ourselves “WTF, do people not know how to feed themselves correctly and need supplements to get the old GI track going?” Then we realized that most people do in fact eat crap and a too large percentage of people eat crap as a main part of their diet. In addition to not getting the vitamins and minerals the body needs to function, people with poor diets also don’t get the fiber they need to uh, remove waste so to speak <insert your own poop joke>.

For those who don’t know, dietary fiber comes in two forms: soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber can be dissolved in water and thus creates a gel in your intestinal track, while insoluble fiber doesn’t dissolve in water and leaves your intestinal track intact. Each type of fiber serves a different function. Soluble fiber helps lower cholesterol and blood sugar levels by attracting and absorbing LDL cholesterol and other fatty acids and prolonging stomach emptying time delaying sugar absorption. Insoluble fiber helps you poop and helps to prevent colon cancer by regulating the pH levels in your colon.

How much fiber should you be getting? Well, an adult should be getting between 20-35 grams of fiber a day, aiming for a mixture of both soluble and insoluble fiber. It’s super easy to get enough fiber if you’re eating your 5 a day of fruits and vegetables and eating whole grains. If you’re not sure if you’re getting enough fiber, try to add more foods with fiber to your diet. Foods like dark green leafy vegetables, oat bran, whole wheat, nuts, fruit and vegetable skins are high in insoluble fiber. All plant foods such as fruits, legumes, vegetables, oats, rye and flax seed are high in soluble fiber. Basically, if you eat a variety of vegetables, you should be fine, but if you have the diet of a five-year old or teenage boy and don’t eat vegetables, try replacing your white bread with whole wheat bread, eat beans  and peanut butter and drink more fruit juice.

We Edukatorz love a dude in a tie (we also love a dude in a suit, but that’s another post), it definitely makes a man look more dapper, though it hurts us whenever we see/hear of a dude improperly wearing a tie. When worn improperly, it just makes one look like s/he can’t dress themselves which is decidedly not dapper. You don’t have to wear a full suit with a tie, but you can’t wear a tie with just anything. Fear not men (and some women) who were thinking about wearing a tie or already wear ties, we have guide on how to properly wear a tie so you don’t look silly.

1. Wear the Proper Type of Shirt

Just because it has a collar does not mean you should wear a tie with it. Just because it is a button-up shirt does not mean you should wear a tie with it. Choosing the proper type of shirt is key to not looking bad, otherwise it looks like you’re playing dress-up in your Dad’s closet. Even if you aren’t wearing a suit, a tie should always be worn with a dress shirt, that means a buttoned down shirt with a collar. Dress shirts come in many different colors colors, patterns and materials so we don’t really think it’s going to cramp your style.

This look even looks bad on a male model.

This is correct, we would totally bone him.

2. Pick Out the Correct Tie

Pick out the correct tie style for your body type. If you’re a bigger person, a skinny tie is only going to make you look bigger (and not in a good way), so go for a thicker tie. The opposite is true for smaller people – a thicker tie is only going to make you look smaller so go for the skinny tie.

Make sure your tie and shirt don’t clash. The pattern and color on your tie should matches the pattern and color of your shirt. This doesn’t mean that they have to be the same color or design, but they shouldn’t clash.

3. Tie Your Tie Correctly

If you do not know how to tie a tie, you should not be wearing a tie. This means no wearing of clip-ons and no tying your tie once and then leaving it to put on and off again. A tie should be re-tied every time you put it on. If you do not know how to tie a tie, watch some of these video tutorials and do it in the mirror. Trust us, it won’t take you very long to get the hang of it. Once you know how to tie a tie, play around with a few different knots. Personally, we hate the four- in-hand knot and love the Windsor and Half Windsor knot, but go with what you think looks best.

4. Wear the Proper Type of Pants

Do wear a tie with well fitting pants. You can wear the traditional khaki’s or slacks as well as a pair of well fitting jeans. If you wear pants that are too baggy you will look like agrimey British school boy.

DO NOT WEAR SHORTS. Seriously, unless you are in a ska band from the late 80′s/90′s  do not under any circumstances wear a tie with shorts. Even if you in a ska band do not wear shorts with a tie. There are very few people with enough style who can make this look dapper, chances are you are not one of them so don’t even try it.

Sex is a victory of the human spirit. It’s the moment where you have convinced another soul to engage in an intensely personal and mutually pleasurable act. However, the unfortunate reality is that most men fail in merely just getting to the bedroom, and not ensuring that sex is ALWAYS earth quaking enraptured bliss. How to be the man a woman NEVER forgets? Foreplay. Being a success at foreplay actually makes the art of making love MUCH easier, as, to be frank, it’s easier to swim when there’s water in the pool. The lack of education on foreplay is a definite social emergency, therefore, I’m just going to make a few quick points as obvious as humanly possible, ones that hopefully even the most mouth breating dullards can understand. Without further ado, a few helpful words of advice.

1)  The intended goal of foreplay should not be to prepare for sex, but to cause orgasm.

Yes, orgasm. Foreplay is the activity that precedes sex, but indeed can be more than gratifying for your partner. The simplest way to engage this reaction is to treat your mate in the manner that you would treat someone if you were going to have the most wonderful erotic moment of your life. Be slow, take time, enjoy literally every inch  of her body and appreciate it. After all, you spent a year, month, week, night, or hour pursuing her, so, you deserve it! Celebrate her, and celebrate yourself! Too often, we look at women simply as sexual conquests. Yes, if this woman is in this level of close contact with you, well, sex is 100% going to happen. So why rush things? Make this a memorable, and likely one of a kind moment for her, and you will absolutely be a repeat performer if you can cause this woman to reach orgasm before penetration. It’s not about the score, it’s about the scoring. Why do once what you could do 100 times? Exactly

2) Learn how to read a body. “Read a body?” Pay attention.

Too often, men think that just getting a woman to moan and squirm means that foreplay is a success. Well, it’s not. Ideally, I personally don’t even consider intercourse before turning on literally every single nerve ending on a woman. Sex can always be an explosion comparative to the fourth of July at the Washington Monument, instead of waving sparklers in your parents’ backyard. How to guarantee rapturous intercourse? Learn how to please by touch and feel. Carefully touch a woman’s body at first. Get a feel for the level of tension in your mate. If the woman is unusually tense, take time, and suggest a massage, and feel their muscles loosen. Kiss her, feel her, observe her temperature through your skin, watch her pleasure rise in her eyes.  Slowly and with care turn up the heat with deep kissing, taking off clothes, and if naked, maybe erotic, slow and kneading touching of the breasts, thighs, ass and calves, moving towards then using the lips and tongue as well, always slow, and when you begin to feel the heat rise, remember the words deeper, stronger and faster.  Deeper for kissing, stronger and deeper for massaging, and faster if you are engaging any points of extreme sensitivity, ears, neck, nipples or vagina. Simply put, taking painstaking measures to please the body that will please you ensures the same pleasure is a guarantee.

3) Foreplay is not just physical. Notes on eye contact.

Deeply staring into a woman’s eyes during foreplay creates a connection not only in that you’re both mutually turned on, but it creates a bond of trust surrounding the nature of what’s about to occur. Foreplay is ultimately about knowing how to create the epitome of erotic joy by manipulating the endorphins of another person. When eyes passionately lock during that delirious alchemy, you create a trust in everything that is about to happen.  Even if you’re not the most gifted practitioner of coitus, with one furtive glance, you have created moment of pleasure that may even be more powerful than orgasm. You’ve created a deep and abiding appreciation for the nature of the moment, elevating the act from the sensual to the intensely personal. Making sex a joyous moment instead of an expected activity raises your stock as a man in the eyes of your mate. Using your eyes as a guide is the simplest of acts, and while learning how to read a woman’s body or always causing an orgasm before sex, to learn first how to engaing the soul and emotions of a woman to perpetually ensure a tremendous erotic experience is a powerful asset.

In closing, always remember: sex is an honor, not a privilege.

If you don’t know, now you know. Consider yourself edukated.

Marcus Dowling is all over the Internet. You can read what he has to say, usually about music, at his own site, True Genius Requires Insanity (tgrionline.com), as well as Brightest Young Things (brightestyoungthings.com), The Couch Sessions (thecouchsessions.com), Baltimore’s 41Yo.com, and Atlanta’s Art Nouveau Magazine (an-mag.com) and a full slate of others as well. Follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/marcuskdowling.