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Kentucky does not have the lock on American produced Whiskey, another type that’s probably familiar to everyone is Tennessee whiskey.

Tennessee whiskey as you may have guessed in made in Tennessee and has been recognized as an officially distinct whiskey by the U.S. government since 1941. Specifically, it is mainly made in Lincoln, Moore and Coffee counties in the southern part of Tennessee.* Making whiskey in Tennessee has been a long and proud tradition there since the state was settled in the late 18th Century. In fact, Jack Daniels distillery was the first distillery to be registered in the U.S. in 1866 when a whiskey tax was instituted. Due to Tennessee being a dry state from 1910-1938 (a dark time in TN history) and other archaic laws (see the note below) there are currently only two active Tennessee whiskey brands – Jack Daniels and George Dickel Whisky.

Though it is officially recognized, it doesn’t have legal restrictions regarding how it’s made like bourbon does. In fact since Tennessee whiskey uses corn much like bourbon does anyway, it is basically bourbon until it’s filtered. The filtration process known as the Lincoln County Process is what makes Tennessee whiskey unique. The process involves filtering the whiskey through maple charcoal thus removing many impurities found in regular bourbon.

While bourbon and Tennessee whiskey are very similar, they don’t taste the same due to the filtering the Tennessee whiskey goes through. While bourbon has a sweet, caramel taste to it, Tennessee whiskey tends to have a drier, almost smokey taste. Because it is drier than bourbon it’s better with sweet mixers like coke since the sweetness accentuates the taste of the whiskey, that’s why a Jack and Coke tastes better than a Maker’s and Coke.

We prefer to drink our Jack straight, on the rocks or in shot form, but if you want a cocktail we’d recommend making your whiskey sours with Tennessee whiskey or rye whiskey.

* Until last August Tennessee banned the production of liquor outside of those three counties. Now that it’s legal in 41 more counties to open up distilleries more small batch Tennessee whiskey producers are expected to pop up.

Cocktail fans will have heard by now of the traumatizing bitters shortage that has been in effect for several months. If you aren’t keeping up with your drinking news, however, this will probably sound completely ridiculous: there is a serious shortage of bitters. Really.

Angostura Bitters in Trinidad is the main producer of standard cocktail bitters in the world. Back in November, they had some kind of dispute with the company that produces their characteristic brown bottles that brought all production to a halt. While limited production has resumed in recent months, the dispute lasted long enough for pretty much everyone to run out of bitters. Catching up with distribution is going to take a while, even when they return to full production capacity (which should be soon now).

Now when we say Angostura is the main bitters producer in the world, we mean it to the fullest extent. No other bitters company operates at the same volume of output. While there are some high-end, smaller bitters companies, it’s pretty much impossible to find a direct substitute for Angostura. This is because making bitters requires a complex blend of a whole lot of different spices, and the varieties are endless.

So, what do you do when you can’t find a bottle of Angostura to make this delicious Manhattan cocktail we recommended last week? You can try to substitute with a different brand. You’re going to want to look for whiskey barrel-aged varieties. They’re going to be different, but serve a similar function. Versions that call themselves “aromatic bitters” are generally made for sipping, not mixing, but some might work out all right. For the industrious drinker, though, we recommend making your own.

If you want to try to make bitters on your own Dr. Bunsen Honeydew has a fool-proof recipe for you.

Ingredients:

1 bottle of booze (Anything with a high proof will work, we prefer vodka or Everclear)
2 Sliced Lemons
2 Orange Peels
3 sticks of Cinnamon
2 Tablespoons of Chopped Fresh Ginger
3 Tablespoons of Whole Cloves

Steps:
1. Combine all the ingredients in a Mason Jar or some other container.
2. Let the ingredients soak in the booze for 3-4 weeks.
3. Strain the concoction and put the liquor into a separate jar.

Now you have citrus-y bitters.

If you’re more adventurous we’d recommend trying one of these recipes.

March Madness is in full effect, but don’t forget that baseball season starts this Sunday! America’s pastime, baseball has become an important cultural reference-point through the years. I’m not talking about the larger-than-life heroes it’s produced, iconic stadiums, rivalries, or childhood memories across the nation. This is Makeout Monday, and I’m talking about the bases of sex.

Sure, it might not be quite as cool to tell your friends you got to second with a girl as it was when you were in the seventh grade, but given that last week we discussed the definition of “sex,” we think it’s good to review this all-American metric of what, exactly, you think you’re doing in the bedroom.*

Strikeout
You see a hottie at the bar, and decide to approach the plate. You introduce yourself and receive an ice cold stare of a fastball in return. Swiiiiiing… and a miss! Strike one. You find a mutual friend and ask for the introduction and get a curveball: your hottie’s engaged. Strike two! You decide to drink three shots to feel better about it and drunkenly text your ex to see if s/he wants to hook up. Yeah, that’s not getting a response. Strike three! You’re going home alone tonight.

First Base
The first step in the quest to score. The tongue-kiss. While you’re on deck, read up on how to kiss a girl in this guest post from Max. When you’re warmed up, knock the dirt off your cleats and get into position. First base should be easy: look for the intentional walk. But if you’re up against an ace, be ready crack a grounder to shortstop and run right into the kiss while she’s looking the other way.

Second Base
The double… as in two boobies. Standing at first, you slowly creep your way off the base, ready to steal second. But wait! The pitcher turns quickly and flings the ball to the first baseman, and you have to dive for it if you even want to stay at first. Yeah, you pushed it, and you got mud all over your uniform, but if the Ump says you’re safe you’re still good. Patience is a virtue. Anddddd on the doorstep after a drunken second date, there’s a line drive down the first base line and you jog straight into second. What started with a nice kiss turns into some lustful under-the-clothes above-the-belt action.

Third Base
And it’s going… going… and bounces off the right field wall, you’re held at third. Third base is a tricky one. Over-the-clothes crotch rubbing? Not quite there yet… that’s being stuck in a pickle between second and third. Hand job? Fingerbang? Yep. Persistence is the name of the game now – you’re so close to home you can smell it on your fingers in the morning.

Home Run
Feeling good today, you’ve been on a streak. Your batting .500 and are eight for ten this season against your opponent- errr… makeout buddy. This is it! You step into the box, stare deeply into the eyes of the pitcher, and CRACK! It’s going… you round first… going…. rip off a shirt and run right over second…. going… ripping off your pants without tripping over them, you round third with style AND IT’S OUTTA THE PARK! HOME RUN! Grab that rubber, jump on that plate, and go high-five your teammates.

*Also, Beaker is one of those unstable baseball fanatics of the Boston persuasion, and isn’t thinking about much else this week.

The Edukatorz have heard smoking is bad for you, so you know, don’t do it. But if you’re going to do it anyway and aspire to be a hipster, we’ve got you. Since everyone smokes to look cool, and hipsters do nothing but try to look cool, it is obviously of paramount importance that you smoke the right way to be a hipster, so tread carefully. You have a lot of options, but you really don’t want to fuck this one up.

Roll Your Own

Rolling your own cigarettes is the pinnacle of hipster smoking cool. It’s a combination effect of DIY-chic, irony, and pseudo-poor-chic.

Avoid Menthol

Menthol is too “urban” (read: black) or trailer park (read: white trash) even for most hipsters. However, if you must smoke menthol, Salem is the safest route.

Smoke Awful Brands

Again on the irony and pseudo-poor tip, smoking blue collar brands is always a good look. Basics, Viceroys and Pall Malls really get the right look for this one.

Pure Irony

Old lady cigarettes are also acceptable, for the irony factor. Capris, Kents, and Benson and Hedges work for this. Virginia Slims are pushing it, but if you really want to go over-the-top and wear a LOT of neon, you might be able to pull it off.

Snob Cigs

You can also go full-on snobby. This works because it encapsulates the hipster ideal of “I’m-better-than-you” nicely. If that’s the look you want to go for, try Dunhills or Nat Shermans.

The Edukatorz (while of course promoting responsibility and disgusted by drunk driving) are fans of alcohol in general. As far as we are concerned, whiskey is the best of the liquors. However, it is often sadly misunderstood. Therefore, over the next few weeks, we are going to edukate the masses on the complexities of this glorious drink and discuss the different types of whiskey.

Bourbon is the quintessential American whiskey. The Edukatorz love bourbon, and can be relied on to have a bottle of Knob Creek or Bulleit on their shelves. At its most basic, bourbon is a whiskey distilled from corn and aged in charred oak casks.

Legally Speaking…
…bourbon was recognized by Congress in 1964 as a “distinctive product of the United States.” They outlined certain legal requirements to labeling a product “bourbon.” A bourbon must:

-Be made of a grain mixture that is at least 51% corn
-Be distilled to no more than 80% alcohol by volume (US 160 proof)
-May not be bottled at less than 40% alcohol by volume (US 80 proof)
-Contain no caramel coloring
-Be aged in new charred oak barrels
-May not be entered into the barrel at higher than 62.5% alcohol by volume (US 125 proof)

Further, if
-It meets the above requirements and is aged for a minimum of two years it may be labeled “straight bourbon”
-It is aged for less than four years, it must be labeled with the duration of its aging
-An age is stated on the bottle, it must be the age of the youngest whiskey in the bottle

Typical Production
The normal grain mixture (mash) for bourbon is 70% corn, with the rest being made up of barley, wheat, and/or rye. Usually the distiller will use a sour mash to begin fermentation. Now pay attention, there will be a test (or at the very least this will come up again as we discuss other types of whiskey): mash is whatever grain you’re fermenting to make your whiskey, and sour mash is when you use mash to start a fermentation that’s already been used in a previous batch. This helps to keep your whiskey consistent (in terms of pH levels, etc.) through different batches.

What you get after the mash is fermented is a clear spirit between 65% and 80% alcohol by volume. The distiller takes this mix and dumps it into the new charred oak barrels we mentioned earlier, and the bourbon picks up its color and a lot of its flavor from the oak. That’s why the older (aged longer) the bourbon, the darker the color.

After it’s taken from the barrels, bourbon is generally diluted with water to the appropriate alcohol by volume and shipped to the shelves at your corner store.

History
Bourbon is a uniquely American liquor. It derives its name from Bourbon County, Kentucky, and to this day most bourbon comes from Kentucky (although, paradoxically, not from Bourbon County itself).

There are conflicting stories and legends about the origins of bourbon. Some names attributed with the “invention” of bourbon are Rev. Elijah Craig (yeah, a Baptist minister… we like that one), George Thorpe, and Jacob Spears. The “inventor” of bourbon is kind of a moot point as far as the Edukatorz are concerned, however. It was a distillation style that took a couple hundred years to solidify, and it doesn’t really matter who called it bourbon first. The credit actually lies with Scottish, Scots-Irish, and others who settled in what would become Kentucky and started farming corn. There was way too much corn to be eaten, and corn wasn’t easy to ship in those days, so they (quite logically) made it into whiskey.

What You Should Be Drinking
There are a lot of good bourbons out there. As we mentioned previously, the Edukatorz generally keep Knob Creek and Bulleit as their table bourbon (yeah, we have table bourbon, what?). Woodford Reserve also makes some really good bourbon. Maker’s Mark, while popular, is overrated in our opinion. It’s perfectly acceptable if that’s the only one the bar has, though, which is too often the case. Jim Beam is appallingly bad and not to be drunk if you are over 21 years of age. Wild Turkey 101 proof is the drink of choice if you want to drink your problems away, because it is deceptively easy to drink and you will forget how many shots you had.

Perfect Manhattan
An Edukatorz’s cocktail of choice, the Manhattan is the old-school classy way to drink bourbon. While having your drinks “up” as opposed to on the rocks is (in the Edukatorz’s opinion) a waste of money and a risk to your clothing, the Manhattan is an exception because once stirred (or shaken, if you like weak drinks), it’s at a perfect dilution.

2 oz. bourbon (a Rob Roy is a Manhattan made with Scotch instead)
1/2 oz. sweet vermouth
1/2 oz. dry vermouth
Dash of bitters

Stir, pour into chilled martini glass, enjoy.

Dear Edukatorz,

How do you know if a girl’s into you? I have this friend who’s a girl who I think is into me, but I’m not sure. She’s really more of a friend of a friend, but whenever I see her she’s always really nice to me and blushes sometimes, does this mean she likes me or is just awkward?

Dear Clueless Claude,

Ah yes, the age old is s/he into me or not question. It’s often times very difficult to determine if someone is into you, especially since for some people insist on not making their intentions known.*

Generally speaking you can tell if a lady is into you if she’s overly flirtatious with you and if she makes an effort to hang out/communicate/social network with you, etc. more than you’re other lady (non-sexual) friends. Clueless about what overly flirtatious means? If a girl smiles at you, talks to you, plays with her hair around you, laughs at your jokes, etc. more so than any of the other guys you’re hanging out with than she’s flirting with you and probably wants to hit it.

Without knowing more details about your situation we can’t definitively say whether or not she’s into you, though chances are if you notice a difference in a woman’s behavior she’s probably into you. It sounds like this chick is probably into you and just has no game whatsoever hence the awkwardness. Assuming the interest is mutual we say go ask her out, if it’s not try to let her down easily that you’re just not into her.

*Seriously people, what’s up with that? There would be a dramatic increase in making out/sexual relations if people just told each other how they felt. What’s the worst that could happen, they’re not into you? Or what, they might start acting awkward around you? Screw that, awkwardness is the enemy of awesome and you should only have room in your life for awesome.

Akon is a polarizing figure on the Becky and Chad scene. Becky’s panties get wet for Akon like no other, but Chad can’t stand him. The major problem is that he is more awesome than Chad by approximately 300%. Today, let’s examine some of the reasons that Akon is such a divisive figure.

1. Akon is the definition of sexy

Chad is many things. He is preppy, rich, funny, sometimes even well-dressed. Chad is not sexy. Akon, however, is pure sex. With his cooing voice (Chad never coos) and toned body, he’s a pure hunk of man-meat that Chad can rarely aspire to.

2. Akon is mysterious

Chad is normally proud of the fact that he can trace his lineage back 12 generations and his birth announcement probably appeared in a Yale alumni magazine. On the other hand, neither Akon’s full name or definite birth date are on public record. This adds a certain amount of enticing mystery that Becky is not used to.

3. Akon talks dirty

Akon sees Becky winding and grinding up on the floor, he sees you looking at him and you already know… he wants to love you. Chad sees Becky getting drunk with her girls and steps in with the roofies in order to smack that. Akon: 1 million. Chad: sloppy seconds.

4. Akon owns a fucking diamond mine

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, they are Becky’s catnip. And Akon is partial owner of a diamond mine in South Africa. How does Chad’s inherited 49% stake of a Fortune 500 company compete with an entire mine of shiny diamonds?

5. Akon makes flip flops look good

Akon can rock flip flops in New York and make it look like he’s lounging on a beach in Bermuda. Chad rocks flip flops and looks like a lazy frat boy. Beyond flip flops, Akon makes what might be considered a Chad outfit look fly. Frustrating for Chad, then, when Becky compares the two of them and sees Chad looking like a frumpy nerd and Akon looking like he just stepped out of the pages of GQ.

6. Akon owns a white tiger, for chrissake!

As seen on MTV Cribs, Akon owns a white tiger. Nuff said.

So Chad does have reason to be threatened by Akon, However, he can always get to the gym and buy Becky a diamond. Maybe take some voice lessons. We also recommend a white tiger. Just make sure you can pull off a wifebeater before going for the wild animals, Chad.

As Edukatorz we like to keep up on all the latest studies going down in Science so we read Science Daily on a regular basis. We recently happened upon this study from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University that found that “no uniform consensus existed when a representative sample of 18- to 96-year-olds was asked what the term meant to them.” As Edukatorz we find this to be simply unacceptable, apparently you people need to know what sex is stat. We’re not going to keep teaching you people how to get make outs (and more) if you don’t even know what sex is so we’ve come up with a simple non-heteronormative definition:

This includes not only vaginal sex, but oral sex and anal sex (sorry Catholics). If there is skin to skin, condom to skin, dental dam to skin, etc. contact then it is sex, period.

In case that is not clear enough for you, we’ve made a helpful chart for you.

If you have any questions about any freaky stuff, we’re going to go ahead and say it’s probably sex, but feel free to email us at weareedukatorz at gmail.com or go ahead and leave a comment below.

Spring is upon us (shut-up Vernal Equinox) and that means shorts weather. While Becky and Chad are taking out their khaki shorts and popping their polo shirts, hipsters are already prepared with their jorts. Jorts, aka jean shorts for those not in the know, are the only type of short self-respecting hipsters will wear.

Though it was once popular way back in the 1990s to wear long jorts (even down to your knees!), hipsters will only wear short jorts – this applies to both male and female hipsters. Female hipsters never call their jorts “Daisy Dukes” even if they actually are short enough to be “Daisy Dukes.”

These are hipsters in jorts.

While one can buy jorts, the proper hipster way to wear jorts is to make them yourself. If you too want to make your own jorts follow the instructions below and your legs will be feeling the sweet breeze of freedom in no time.

How To Make Jorts

1. Take a pair of old jeans you’ve either ruined or bought at the thrift store, preferably really skinny jeans and turn them inside out.

2. Take a marker and draw on the jeans where you are going to cut them. Make sure they’re as short as you’re comfortable with and then maybe make them a little shorter.

3. Following the lines you drew with your marker cut the legs off of your jeans. Try to get the edges as frayed as possible.

4. Turn them right side out and make sure the shorts are even. If they aren’t cut them a little shorter. Try them on, you now have jorts.

When you bring home a special* lady or gentleman it is very important to make sure your bedroom is optimized for hooking up. You don’t want to hear your potential partner for the evening say “Uh, I just remembered, I gotta get up early, call me a cab?”

Get an Adult Sized Bed

If you are an adult and do not live in a college dorm room there is no excuse for you to not have at least a full size bed. We see no reason for a twin size bed unless the room really is that small (most likely it isn’t). A bigger bed allows for more, uh, fun at night with your partner and it allows you to actually get a good nights sleep when sharing the bed since you’re not right on top of each other. Besides, full size beds are $99 at Ikea, totally worth the extra comfort and extra hook-ups.

A real bed!

Have Clean Sheets

You would think this would be obvious, but strangely it is not. You don’t have to launder your sheets all the time, but at least make sure there are no stains on them or that they’re not obviously dirty. A lady or gentleman does not want to think that you possibly boned someone else in that bed the night before s/he met you, it’s a major turn-off.

Have a Clean Room

Your room doesn’t need to be immaculate or Martha Stewart approved, it just needs to not look like an episode of Hoarders. This means no food wrappers, no dirty dishes, no bugs, no funny smells, etc. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a few clothes on the floor or on your bed, but try not to have a mountain of clothes.

*Note for the men out there – If your room is too clean or too empty your partner is going to think you’re a serial killer and s/he is going to leave as fast as s/he can.

This only turns on a very small demographic.

Tone Down the Artwork/Posters

That’s really awesome that you’re into Cannibal Corpse, but having a full poster in your room might scare off a potential hook-up buddy. The same thing applies to overly religious pieces of artwork, no one gets turned on when Jesus is looking at them. Likewise, get rid of the fratastic posters. You are no longer in college and thus need more adult artwork. Lame posters make people think you’re lame and thus not boneable, you want to be boneable.

This does not mean you should leave your walls bare, that’s just creepy, but pay attention to what’s on your walls and ask yourself “Is this a turn on, a turn off, or a turn neutral?” you know the right answer.