edukatorz.com

Our friend Max was kind enough to write us this post. Check out his blog tons o’ guns, it’s definitely in our Google Reader/our regular blog rotation. 
————————

Some years ago, R&B God-King Robert Sylvester Kelly released a song with lil’ Weezy called “make it rain,” once again spawning legions of imitators across the globe. Always an innovator, Kellz saw through conspicuous consumption and cut out the middle man. Throwing money away by throwing money away all over the dancefloor, or “making it rain” became a brief craze. Alas, the common man did not carry the making it rain movement forward through the difficult years to come. You see, that is one of the many attributes making R. Kelly different from an average person such as you. An average person can throw away money until they run out. R. Kelly is the monsoon. He may not always be making it rain on you, but you know that it’s somebody’s birthday tonight… Somewhere.

He also postulated an important causal relationship about the dynamics of bottle service as practiced in the contemporary upscale American club. Observe:

“Don’t get it twisted. You see, I order one bottle, then I fuck with one model. Then I order more bottles, now I got more models”

Read the rest of this entry →

Welcome back to our four-week segment on our favorite phobias. Share your phobia stories in the comments! (Although if your phobia is severe and interferes with your life, you should and can get help. Email us if you don’t know where to start at weareedukatorz at gmail dot com and we’ll do our best).

Bibliophobia – Fear of books.

Knowledge is power, people. You can’t be prepared without it. But that’s why this column is here, safely on the interwebs, away from the scary library.

Bromidrophobia or Bromidrosiphobia – Fear of body smells.

Ablutophobics (this is a pop quiz!), you’re just driving the circle of fear. For shame!

Ebulliophobia – fear of bubbles.

I don’t really have any commentary on this one, it’s just pretty rad.

Lutraphobia – fear/dislike of otters.

Otters are adorable. How could you dislike otters?*

Heliophobia – fear of sunlight.

You’re not surviving long with this one. Unless you’re a vampire.

Technophobia – fear of technology.

I wonder if my somewhat obsessive fear of The Robot uprising falls into this category?

Andddddd last but not least:

Phobophobia – fear of having a phobia.**

*Fish, however. That makes sense.

**I apologize for this series to any readers suffering from phobophobia. I promise it’s the last one, please come back to our website!

Dear Edukatorz,

Did u c our awesome bill 2 fix US economy? Chinas gonna b soooo pisssed, lulz! BTW r u still down 2 c real steel on fri?

xoxo,

The US Senate

Dear Senate,

While we are of course flattered that you are such fans of our humble blog, we really must insist that you get back to work on actual problems, like unemployment. Since we imagine that’s something of a reach, we’ll at least try and recommend some more constructive reading for you.

We assume your email is expressing self-satisfaction at the passage of Sherrod Brown‘s bill regarding currency manipulation. For those who don’t know, China’s currency is seriously undervalued -meaning their exports are cheaper than they should be – and for years there’s been much political grandstanding in Washington about forcing them to revalue it. Politicians enjoy this kind of bombast because it makes a convenient scapegoat for the failure of the US manufacturing sector and distracts from their inability to make any concerted effort to address the real problems. This means they are more likely to get elected again, which is good for politicians, because then they get to stay on TV and look important.

While China has, in fact, been allowing the value of the yuan to rise, the rhetoric against that nation’s central bank is considered by many to be an excellent distraction from our nation’s myriad economic woes. However, China isn’t very happy about being a scapegoat, and the Senate bill is already proving somewhat counterproductive. Caught up now, readers?

So, Senate, back to you. The Edukatorz have precisely two words for you: Smoot. Hawley. Capish? No, of course you don’t. We understand that Wikipedia has too many big words for your little heads to manage. We’ll try to break it down for you:

In 1929, a bad thing called The Great Depression started in the US, and eventually happened around the world. Stock markets crashed and that ruined all the other sectors of the economy and yes, you guessed it, everyone got very very depressed. And poor. So, in 1930, a Senator named Smoot and a Congressman named Hawley got together and decided it would be a good idea to protect American goods by raising tariffs against everyone else. They were mad about losing money, just like you, and they decided to blame foreigners just like you are blaming China.

Can you guess what happened next? A trade war. That’s what turned a teensy-weensy recession into The Great Depression. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you pull this kind of shit with China. And Senator Smoot and Representative Hawley? They lost their re-election campaigns! Think about it.

What’s that? Oh, it’s never getting to the House floor? Well, how do you know that? It’s already a step closer and Boehner’s got a lot of pressure to take it up. Oh, you think the American voter in your manufactures-strong state is going to forgive you when all of a sudden they can’t afford their daughter’s lead-painted Chinese-made Barbie doll for Christmas because you started a trade war? We may be dumb, but we’re not that dumb. And if we’re dumb enough to believe it’s all China’s fault and you’re doing all you can to fix our economy… well, fuck it, I guess in that case we deserve you.

Sincerely,

The Edukatorz

PS – Not going to make Real Steel on Friday, we have a date with Ban Ki-Moon to see Moneyball, and to be honest, we think it’s best for our reputation if we’re not seen with you in public.

This is how we do it when we’re feeling lazy. Go look at other websites, and start with this list!

We might be obsessed with Arrested Development.

Really great collection of cool/educational videos.

Men in pin-up girl poses, half creepy, half hilarious.

 Facebook Official.

Look, a tiny Doctor Who episode!

So, don’t get us wrong. We are not actually writing more frequently or anything. We just decided that since we’re 10 months into this blog, there are some very important edukational gems that might get overlooked by new readers, or ones that old readers should be reminded of. In that spirit, we’ll be re-posting old posts on Sundays, and hopefully providing your cranky Monday-morning brain with that much more internet distraction. Enjoy!

Hipsters are the Opposite of Ninjas
If you think like the Edukatorz, a conundrum that has occupied a lot of thinking time is the question of the opposite of the ninja. Luckily, we Edukatorz are great thinkers, and have discovered the answer: the opposite of ninja is hipster.

Hipsters Dress Flamboyantly

Hipsters wear way too much neon to dress anything like a ninja. While a ninja needs to wear dark clothing to blend in, a hipster dresses him/herself with the opposite intention: to stand out. Further, a typical hipster outfit includes skinny jeans or leggings. Clearly, there is not enough room to hide shuriken in such an outfit.

Read the rest of this entry →

Welcome back to our four-week segment on our favorite phobias. Share your phobia stories in the comments! (Although if your phobia is severe and interferes with your life, you should and can get help. Email us if you don’t know where to start at weareedukatorz at gmail dot com and we’ll do our best).

Oikophobia – fear of home surroundings and household appliances.

Someone fell asleep with flying toasters on as a child?

Sichuaphobia – fear of Chinese food.

Indian food, however, has no documented phobia that I know of.

Basiphobia – Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.

That sounds problematic.*

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia – fear of the number 666.

I can understand a Christian developing this fear, but name is the important thing here. Awesome, awesome word.

Cherophobia – Fear of gaiety.

That’s just depressing. I mean, literally, that’s sad.

*But anything that reminds of Arrested Development makes the Edukatorz happy.

It’s Fall so that means it’s squash season. Since there are a gazillion types of squash out there (a scientifically accurate number), it might be difficult to know all the different types out there. Today we’re going to focus on kabocha.

Kabocha is Japanese for squash and is essentially a Japanese pumpkin. But you may be saying to yourselves, isn’t squash a native Mesoamerican plant? Why yes it is! Portuguese sailors brought kabocha to Japan in 1541 from Cambodia (where they had cultivated it). Luckily for us the Japanese have a penchant for the squash and put it in delicious, delicious tempura.

Kabocha is very similar to pumpkins so it’s very starchy and almost potato like in consistency. It’s also pretty sweet. This variety of squash is also super healthy for you and has a ton of beta carotene, Vitamin C, folic acid and fiber.

Cooking kabocha is super easy. If you don’t feel like making tempura, you can steam, roast, stuff or microwave the vegetable. Our favorite way to make it is to roast it with a little olive oil and salt until it starts to brown on the edges of the skin. We also like to mess with people and make a pie out of it instead of using pumpkin. You can usually find this squash at the farmers market, but nicer grocery stores will probably have it as well.

Tell us in the comments what your favorite winter squash is and why.

Dave Coulier and awesome are not two words you’d normally put together. He’s no Bob Saget or John Stamos, but Dave Coulier is probably more awesome than you think (though not that awesome).

1) Get Yourself on a Hit Show

No one would have ever heard of Dave Coulier if it wasn’t for Full House. Get onto a family-friendly long running iconic television show and you’re much closer to being awesome.

Read the rest of this entry →