Dear Edukatorz: On Mustaches
While educating you all on topics that we think are important is all well and good, we know that there are serious questions our readers have that need answers. We are here for you! In our new column, Dear Edukatorz, we’ll be answering your questions and concerns to the best of our abilities. If you need advice on something, please email us at weareedukatorz (at) gmail (dot) com and look for a response here!
Dear Edukatorz,
My boyfriend’s mustache is ruining our relationship. Please help! He started growing it about four months ago as a joke, and I thought it would be funny at first. But then it just stayed. He won’t shave it. It’s causing so many problems – I can’t introduce him to my parents looking like this! Let alone the fact that he doesn’t keep leftovers in the fridge anymore. He says he has plenty of bits of food in his mustache! We haven’t had sex in weeks, it’s just so unattractive I can barely bring myself to make out with him. And when we do kiss, it’s scratchy and gross. It’s like a furry uninvited pet has come between us. I never thought I was a Becky, but does my revulsion of his mustache mean I’m attracted to Chads? What should I do?
-Reluctant Becky
This is actually a problem sweeping the nation.
Dear RB,
You do NOT have to be a Becky to hate mustaches. Remember, your boyfriend’s mustache is not a reflection on you, and you can‘t blame yourself for thinking it was fun at first. A lot of people do. At least you’ve recognized the problem. The mustache pandemic is affecting men of the hipster scenes from LA to NYC.
To help your boyfriend, you have to understand his problem. At first the mustachioed think it’s just a bit of fun. It makes them feel energetic and powerful. As soon as they shave it off, however, they become depressed and edgy, and crave the mustache. When they grow it back, they just keep going, chasing that first mustache experience, until there’s no stopping them. What they don’t understand is that mustaches don’t affect only the wearer, but the ones around them, a problem you are grappling with now.
We just hope your boyfriend isn’t a full-on mustache junkie yet. Does he carry around a mustache comb? Does he constantly stroke it? Worse, does it have a name? If not, there is hope for him to come around with no lasting scars. You should consider staging an intervention with his mustache-free friends. Talk about how the mustache is hurting the ones he loves.
If he’s past reasoning, you can try to shave it off while he’s asleep. Be careful when he wakes up, though: the cold-turkey approach can send some into shock. The first few days are the hardest – keep him away from costume shops and make sure you can supply him with razors. Check whether that’s a 5 o’clock shadow or a day’s worth of stubble. And always give him positive reinforcement – he can’t do this without your support.
Good luck, and thanks for writing in.
-The Edukatorz
