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Vacationing at the beach is awesome (even if you’re uber pale like the Edukatorz). While we’d love to rent out a private beach we alas are not thousandaires and must rely on public beaches. On a public beach we face the possibility of seeing fugly people in inappropriate swimsuits and children while sober. Unfortunately most public beaches do not allow booze (stupid open container laws!), but the Edukatorz are not ones for rules so we have ways around that.*

1) Thermoses/Camelbacks/Water Bottles, etc.

Some beaches do not allow glass containers, so you can either hate the environment and bring plastic bottles or bring something reusable. We like to put our booze in either a thermos or a water bottle. Not only are you doing your part for the environment, but no one’s the wiser.

2) The ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Method

We should hope that you’re as much of a fan of IASiP as we are, (you really should be) and if you are you are very familiar with this method. You put boxed wine in a diet coke can (without the coke obviously) and voila you can drink boxed wine anywhere! While we understand you may not want to always drink boxed wine, we’d also recommend dumping half of the coke out and putting rum or Jack Daniels in it or any other booze you may want.

From Flickr User Andy on Flickr

3) Koozies

Sometimes you just want a delicious beer, but you need to hide that from the rest of the World (and protect your beer from getting warm from your hands), thus the koozie was born. You should already have one of these for any activity that involves drinking beer outside, but keep one around in your beach bag.

* Don’t be a jackass and get so drunk that you annoy other people or almost drown. That’s stupid.

NOM NOM NOM

Fourth of July weekend is coming up and that means grilling. (Though any weekend/day that ends in y is really an excuse for the Edukatorz to grill). While we appreciate the convenience gas grills offer (as well as their Hank Hill seal of approval), we believe charcoal grilled food just tastes better. Charcoal grills are also easier for those of us without lawns who have to settle for stoop grilling or grilling in the park. We can take our mini Weber anywhere really. But alas, many are confused by the enigma that is charcoal grilling, allow us to clear some things up for you.

Choosing Charcoal

Charcoal is really easy to find. Grocery stores, hardware stores and even convenience stores will have charcoal in the summer.* Charcoal is a matter of preference and different situations dictate different charcoals.

There are two types of charcoal used for cooking – charcoal briquettes and natural hardwood lump charcoal. The only real difference between the two are that charcoal briquettes have extra additives and natural hardwood lump charcoal do not**.

If you’re super lazy or are going to be grilling in a park we recommend using self-starting briquettes or lighter fluid. Some people are not a fan of them since they have petroleum in them to help them light and maintain a fire. We don’t think it’s really an issue if you let the briquettes cook down enough (see below).

For those of you who want to go au natural or want the taste of a particular wood (that’s where charcoal comes from) we recommend using natural hardwood lump charcoal. Though if you’re crunched for time or in a park this is generally more of a pain in the ass.

Putting the Right Amount Charcoal in the Grill

We’d be remiss if we didn’t tell you to put enough charcoal in the grill, but don’t go overboard, you’ll just be wasting charcoal. It really depends on the size of your grill. If you have a big 26 inch grill we recommend around 80 pieces of charcoal (you don’t have to count it). From there we recommend around 60 pieces for a 22 inch grill, 40 pieces for an 18 inch grill and 25 pieces for a 14 inch grill.

Lighting Charcoal

It’s easy to light charcoal when you’re using self-starting briquettes or adding lighter fluid this process is easy. Simply take a long match or long lighter and light the self-starting briquettes at 2-4 different points in the grill. When using lighter fluid, don’t go overboard. A light covering will do, extra lighter fluid just means it’s going to take longer for it to burn off.

If you’re going natural and using hardwood lump charcoal you gotta get a chimney starter. Simply put newspaper in the bottom chamber of the starter and charcoal in the top and light the newspaper with a long match. After about 10 minutes the charcoal should be hot enough to dump in the grill.

Knowing When the Charcoal is Ready to Grill

Just because the charcoal is lit doesn’t mean it’s time to grill. Wait until the charcoal turns gray before cooking anything. This is especially important it you’re using self-starting briquettes or lighter fluid because you want all of the petroleum to cook out. At that point put the grill over the briquettes, wait a few minutes for the grill to heat up and you’re good to go.

A note on temperature. The temperature you’re grilling at clearly depends on what you’re grilling. To know how hot the grill is simply put your hand over the grill (don’t touch anything you idiot): if it’s at a low heat you should be able to hold your hand there for 6 to 7 seconds; if it’s at a medium heat you should be able to hold your hand there for 4 to 5 seconds; and if it’s hot you should be able to hold your hand there for 2-3 seconds.

*We like to stock up on charcoal near the end of summer so we can grill if we want to in the colder months.

**Lump Charcoal also gets hotter so if you want a super hot grill, this is the way to go.

We’re teaming up with our good friends over at TGRIOnline and co-hosting a party, Friends – A Celebration of 50 Years of Pop Music on June 10th over at Wonderland Ballroom in DC. Our good friends DJ TMY and DJ Cold Case will be spinning the best teen pop music from the past 50 years. In the lead up to the party we’re going to be posting a few entries on things we wish we had known about when we were teenagers.

While we’re too old to become tween or teen pop sensations ourselves, we’re not too old to build our own teen pop sensations. We don’t profess to be Lou Pearlman’s (we’re not super creepy and in jail), but the formula is pretty simple and it’s easy money (so easy we’re going to start finding teens to exploit).

1) Hold auditions

Rent out a ballroom in a local hotel and put an ad in the paper that you’re holding auditions for a new pop group. You don’t necessarily have to be putting a pop group together, but if there’s only one talented person there you can just say you “think they should go solo’. Though a group is easier to manage because you can play them off of each other if they start to get uppity. Either way you will get a lot of response and most of the people auditioning will not be very good, but you will find a few who can sing and dance and are photogenic. If they are not all three of those then they are useless to you.

2) Check out the parents

Once you’ve separated the wheat from the chaff in the audition process it’s time to whittle down the audition pool further. In this case talent is not the deciding factor, but who has the most pliable parents. You want to find kids with parents who will do almost anything and let their child do almost anything to succeed in show business (read: awful parents). These parents will be the easiest to control and it will make your life easier when you skirt child labor laws and make the little ones work 16 hour days rehearsing, performing on stage and starring in their own Nickelodeon television show.

3) Get some teen pop songs

You need to get a talented songwriter (bonus points if you are a talented song writer – more money in your pocket) to write some teen pop songs for your teen. Most of the teens are not going to be like Taylor Swift and write their own songs, besides you don’t want them having that much control. Make sure to have a mix of non-threatening catchy dance tunes and emotional ballads, teens love them.

4) Makeover time

Your teen pop sensations can’t look like they just rolled out of bed, every part of them has to be perfect (how else can you lower other teens self-esteem causing them to spend more money on your product, uh, teen pop sensation?).

For boys this means they have to look completely non-threatening and slightly fem. Boys who are too masculine will freak out teen girls (and gays). The New Kids on the Block are an exception to this rule, but we all can’t build NKOTB, so for now use the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber as your guideposts.

For girls you want them to be cute and very girl next door-like. You want them to be non-threatening with a hint of burgeoning sexuality (for their inevitable revolt ala Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera).

5) Have a catch

Every teen pop sensation has to have something about that them makes them stand out of the crowd, they have to have a catch. There are many examples – The Jonas Brothers have abstinence and Joe Nick Jonas’ diabetes; Selena Gomez has being Latina going for her; and Demi Lovato has her claims of liking rock and roll, etc.

If happen to have a group they all have to have rolls. You need a “good” one, a “bad” one, a “cute” one, a “quiet” one and the one who actually has talent. They can’t be homogenous, you have to be able to market them individually and as a group.

We’re teaming up with our good friends over at TGRIOnline and co-hosting a party, Friends – A Celebration of 50 Years of Pop Music on June 10th over at Wonderland Ballroom in DC. Our good friends DJ TMY and DJ Cold Case will be spinning the best teen pop music from the past 50 years. In the lead up to the party we’re going to be posting a few entries on things we wish we had known about when we were teenagers.

You’re at the club, event or if you’re a teenager, school dance, and you see someone across the room you know you just have to dance with. How do you go over and ask someone to dance? Whether it’s someone you’ve been crushing on hard for awhile or a complete stranger asking someone to dance is really easy. It’s way less pressure than asking them on a date, there’s no commitment and if they say no there are plenty of other people on the dance floor if you get rejected.

1. Confidence

Confidence is really the key to a lot of things in life, asking someone to dance is no exception. As we’ve told you many, many times awkwardness is the enemy of awesomeness so don’t be awkward. Go up to that lucky lady/dude and ask him/her to dance.

2. Have fun.

If it looks like you’re having a miserable time or hate dancing no one is going to want to dance with you. You don’t have to have any fancy moves, in fact it’s discouraged, but you do have to look like you want to be there.

3. Ask them.

There are a couple of ways you can go about asking someone to dance.

You can simply ask them. We recommend the tried and true “Hey, want to dance?” This generally works for people who aren’t currently dancing and works the best for high school dances.

The other way is to just start dancing with them if you’re both already on the dance floor. Not in the creepy SNL Night at the Roxbury way and no grinding (at least not initially) but simply by making a move and dancing by them. If they want to dance with you they’ll let you know with their body language, if they don’t they’ll turn their back on you and go back to their friends.

4. Don’t linger.

If someone doesn’t want to dance don’t be creepy and linger around them. This will only turn them off further and makes you look like a creep to other people who you may want to dance with. Instead hold your head up high and move on.

Tourist season is in full swing in the Edukatorz’ home town of Washington, DC, and we’re pretty sure it’s just as bad in other American urban centers. We’ve already discussed how one should behave on the Metro, but there’s a lot of tourist behavior that’s not just annoying to locals, but when avoided, can ensure that tourists have a much better time on their vacation. So, here are just a few pointers on what to avoid on your spring vacation to the big city.

Be Aware of Your Surroundings

It sounds obvious, but apparently it isn’t. Herds of tourists pack sidewalks across downtown DC to such an extent that it becomes impossible to move around. How is it that tourists are so oblivious to the fact that that doorway they are milling around in front of is, in fact, the entrance to a law office where several hundred people actually work and need to enter.

Dress Like a Normal Person

Why is it that when on vacation, people feel a need to don ridiculous accessories like fanny packs or battery-powered fans? Do you carry these around at home? If so, that’s just weird. You’re in a city, not a jungle. Eschew the cargo shorts-tall white socks-hiking boots combo and the fisherman’s hat. Instead of dressing 100 kids in matching neon yellow shirts proclaiming your church affiliation, travel with enough chaperons to manage the unruly little bastards. And that FBI hat? Doesn’t match the CIA shirt. Just stop.

Hard Rock Cafe is Not the Best of Local Cuisine

Instead of going to the classically disgusting tourist traps for your lunch, why don’t you try to find out what the best local restaurants are?* They aren’t necessarily expensive if you do your research, and you’ll get a much better feeling for the local culture – the Edukatorz can’t say for sure, but we’re pretty sure that Hard Rock’s crabcakes are inferior.

*Just remember your table manners, please. Check out this advice on how to behave in restaurants if you need a refresher.

We love spring. However, springtime doesn’t always love us. So on days like today (it’s rainy and miserable here in DC), we can’t barbeque like hipsters. There are, however, plenty of things to occupy you without lounging around in front of the TV.

Board Games

Too few people realize that when you’re too old for Candyland, there are still some great board games out there. Risk is a personal favorite of the Edukatorz. Scrabble is another good one, and research has shown that crosswords ward off Alzheimer’s, so it’s healthy, too. Just don’t use proper nouns, that’s cheating.

Casual Sex

If you’ve got a significant other, good for you. If you’re not so lucky, call up a friend in the neighborhood and propose some sex with no strings attached. If you don’t have a friend nearby, you can always masturbate.

Binge Drinking

Play drinking games like a frat boy! You’re not driving anywhere, right? Also, remind us to post some good drinking games sometime soon. If you’ve got a well-stocked bar and a few friends over, it’s also a great time to experiment with different cocktails (here, try a Manhattan!).

Napping

Everyone needs a good nap. Rain is a good excuse for it.

Take Out/Cook

If you’ve got a well-stocked fridge, spend the day making something ridiculously complicated or that requires slow cooking. Baked beans, braised short ribs, cassoulet, roast meats. If you aren’t into cooking, it’s a good time to check out the neighborhood take-out options.

Plan a Vacation to Somewhere Sunny

Nothing will make you feel better than thinking that you’ll shortly be lounging around on a Carribbean beach. Even if you aren’t actually going to book a vacation, planning all the details of how you would go about it if you could afford it is still a fun game and it’ll definitely take your mind off the rain.

So you finally met someone you actually want to go on a date with, that’s awesome! Asking people out isn’t really that hard, but it’s easy to mess up. Follow our tips below and it should be smooth sailing.

Do it yourself

What is this, middle school? This should be obvious, but don’t ask a friend to do it for you, do it yourself.

Call and the lucky lady/dude

Step up your game and call the object of your affection and ask him/her out on a date. You look like a schlub and a coward if you don’t. Don’t have the person’s number? Get it.

It’s unacceptable to ask someone out via text message or email*. It’s cold and impersonal and says “hey, you’re not important enough to actually talk to you” and “I’m too much of a chicken to actually call you.”

It is 100% never acceptable to ask someone out via social media like Twitter or Facebook. If you try this you don’t deserve to date.

Be courteous

This is definitely the time for pleases and thank-you’s, no one wants to go out on a date with an impolite person (i.e. asshole). This doesn’t mean you should be overly formal, it does mean that you should be respectful and courteous when on the phone.

Don’t be awkward

We realize it’s sometimes hard to get up the courage to ask someone out on a date, but try not to make it awkward. A little shyness can be endearing, but a lot of awkwardness can be a turn-off and increases the chances of rejection. You want to portray an aura of cool even if you’re sweating on the phone.

Be direct

Be direct with your intentions. The person you’re asking out should know if s/he is going out on a date or not. For example, don’t ask “What are you doing Tuesday night?” ask “Would you like to get dinner with me on Tuesday night?” You want to avoid any ambiguity in this situation.

*You can MAYBE ask someone out via email if this it’s an online dating situation. We’ll cover online dating in another post.

We know there are quirks to every public transit system so we’re going to put together an occasional series where we’ll highlight different public transit systems and give you the tools to not look like a rube when utilizing them.

Here at Edukatorz HQ in Washington, DC we’ve been swarmed by tourists. While we appreciate the cash money they’re bringing into the city we do not appreciate them mucking up the public transit system. Instead of yelling and shoving tourists out of our way we though it might be more productive to edukate them on how to properly use a public transit system.

1) Stand to the right on the escalator.

The Metro escalator is a lot like a highway – pass on the left. You are welcome to stand on the moving staircase on the right side, but don’t stand on the left side, that side’s for people to walk up or down.

2) No lallygagging during rush hour.

Rush hour is from 7-9 am in the morning and 4-7 in the evening, don’t dick around during those times, people have places to go.

3) Get a SmarTrip Card.

The SmarTrip card costs $10 to purchase – $5 for the card with $5 fare already on the card. It’s simple to use and it’s much faster than a paper ticket. You can even buy them at CVS.

4) Let everyone off the train before you get on the train.

Don’t be a dick, pushing onto the train before you let everyone else off the train is just going to cause a big mess. Be patient, you will get on the train.

5) Move to the center of the car when the car is full.

If you’re on a packed Metro car don’t huddle around the doorway, spread out and move towards the center of the car so more people can get on the car. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to squeeze your way past everyone on the car and get to the door in time to get out at your stop.

Spring is upon us (shut-up Vernal Equinox) and that means shorts weather. While Becky and Chad are taking out their khaki shorts and popping their polo shirts, hipsters are already prepared with their jorts. Jorts, aka jean shorts for those not in the know, are the only type of short self-respecting hipsters will wear.

Though it was once popular way back in the 1990s to wear long jorts (even down to your knees!), hipsters will only wear short jorts – this applies to both male and female hipsters. Female hipsters never call their jorts “Daisy Dukes” even if they actually are short enough to be “Daisy Dukes.”

These are hipsters in jorts.

While one can buy jorts, the proper hipster way to wear jorts is to make them yourself. If you too want to make your own jorts follow the instructions below and your legs will be feeling the sweet breeze of freedom in no time.

How To Make Jorts

1. Take a pair of old jeans you’ve either ruined or bought at the thrift store, preferably really skinny jeans and turn them inside out.

2. Take a marker and draw on the jeans where you are going to cut them. Make sure they’re as short as you’re comfortable with and then maybe make them a little shorter.

3. Following the lines you drew with your marker cut the legs off of your jeans. Try to get the edges as frayed as possible.

4. Turn them right side out and make sure the shorts are even. If they aren’t cut them a little shorter. Try them on, you now have jorts.

When you bring home a special* lady or gentleman it is very important to make sure your bedroom is optimized for hooking up. You don’t want to hear your potential partner for the evening say “Uh, I just remembered, I gotta get up early, call me a cab?”

Get an Adult Sized Bed

If you are an adult and do not live in a college dorm room there is no excuse for you to not have at least a full size bed. We see no reason for a twin size bed unless the room really is that small (most likely it isn’t). A bigger bed allows for more, uh, fun at night with your partner and it allows you to actually get a good nights sleep when sharing the bed since you’re not right on top of each other. Besides, full size beds are $99 at Ikea, totally worth the extra comfort and extra hook-ups.

A real bed!

Have Clean Sheets

You would think this would be obvious, but strangely it is not. You don’t have to launder your sheets all the time, but at least make sure there are no stains on them or that they’re not obviously dirty. A lady or gentleman does not want to think that you possibly boned someone else in that bed the night before s/he met you, it’s a major turn-off.

Have a Clean Room

Your room doesn’t need to be immaculate or Martha Stewart approved, it just needs to not look like an episode of Hoarders. This means no food wrappers, no dirty dishes, no bugs, no funny smells, etc. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a few clothes on the floor or on your bed, but try not to have a mountain of clothes.

*Note for the men out there – If your room is too clean or too empty your partner is going to think you’re a serial killer and s/he is going to leave as fast as s/he can.

This only turns on a very small demographic.

Tone Down the Artwork/Posters

That’s really awesome that you’re into Cannibal Corpse, but having a full poster in your room might scare off a potential hook-up buddy. The same thing applies to overly religious pieces of artwork, no one gets turned on when Jesus is looking at them. Likewise, get rid of the fratastic posters. You are no longer in college and thus need more adult artwork. Lame posters make people think you’re lame and thus not boneable, you want to be boneable.

This does not mean you should leave your walls bare, that’s just creepy, but pay attention to what’s on your walls and ask yourself “Is this a turn on, a turn off, or a turn neutral?” you know the right answer.