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Lagers are the beer most Americans are familiar with. If you’ve had a Budweiser or Miller Lite you’ve had a lager, albeit an awful lager.

Lagers are brewed using bottom-fermenting yeast at cool temperatures. Bottom fermenting means the yeast settles at the bottom of the brew versus the top of the brew like in an ale. This type of yeast thrives in cool temperatures hence the brewing in cold temperatures.

German brewers discovered lager when they left beer to ferment in caves that were naturally cool. They realized the beer would become crisper, cleaner and drier than other beers because the yeast wouldn’t impart any extra flavor on the beer.

There are may different types of lagers: pale (including pilsners), dunkel, märzen, bock, schwarzbier, kellerbier, Vienna and baltic porters. While some lagers are light and some are dark, all types of lagers taste crisp and clean.

We enjoy lagers on hot days and when we’re too lazy to order anything else. Yuengling has always been our go-to beer in all situations*.Edukatorz approved lagers include Yuengling (obviously), Spaten, Pilsner Urquell, Shiner Bock and others. If you have a question about a lager leave it in the comments or email us and we’ll let you know if they’re quality or not.

* Fact: Just say “I want a lager” in Pennsylvania and they’ll give you a Yuengling.

Who doesn’t love a little fun in the sun? Clearly our favorite fun activity is making out. Yes, yes there are plenty of other activities you could be engaged in at the beach (like water sports), but it’s a lot more fun if you’re making out on the beach or finding someone to make out with later. On a beautiful beach day it’s super easy to find a make out partner.

1) Look Hot

It’s very important to look hot while you’re at the beach. You’ll be dressed in a skimpy bathing suit and there’s no room to hide anything. While we’re not all perfect tens, you can still look hot even if you’ve been hitting the BBQs a little harder than you’ve been hitting the gym. It’s super cliche, but when you feel good and are full of confidence you’re going to look good. So don’t wear anything you’re not comfortable in and walk around like you own the beach. Hotties will notice.

2) Sunscreen

Wear sunscreen. Not only to protect your skin from burns and melanoma (besides, pale is in), but also to get potential make out partners to help you apply it on hard to reach areas. You’re not Stretch Armstrong so it’s completely reasonable to ask a hot stranger to apply it on your back for you. Simply ask with confidence “hey, do you mind getting my back” and you’ll have them all over you in no time. Just remember not to be awkward since awkwardness is the enemy of awesome and everyone should try to be awesome.

3) Balls

Bring a paddle ball set, volleyball or Bocce set with you to the beach (we suppose a frisbee would do too). You can ask some hottie to play with you and uh bat around some balls or you could “accidentally” hit one of the balls over by them. It’s a great conversation starter.

4) Booze

When all else fails booze will help you make out (as in every other situation). A lot of beaches don’t allow alcohol on the beach, but that shouldn’t be a deterrent for you, instead that just means a lot of other people didn’t bring booze with them. When you see a hottie you’d like to play tonsil hockey with invite them over to your umbrella for a drink. They will be grateful and you’ll have time to work your moves on them.

While we’re done edukating you about the ins and outs of whiskey (at least for the immediate future), we’re not done talking about alcohol by a long shot so we now humbly introduce our new feature “Better Know a Beer.” Yes, yes, we’ve already hinted at the series with an introduction to Trappist beers, but we’re going all in on beer because really, what’s summer without beer?

Beer is awesome, this is undeniable, but what exactly is beer? Beer is a delicious brewed beverage that’s created when starches are fermented. Human beings have been drinking this delicious concoction since around 9000 BCE. Everyone from cavemen in the Neolithic period to Egyptians to Benjamin Franklin has enjoyed a pint or three.

To make your basic beer all you need is a starch (usually barley, but it can be wheat, corn or another stach) and yeast and voila you have fermented starch aka beer. Flavor is then added to the beer with hops or fruit or some other flavoring agent. With such versatility it’s easy to see how there can be so many different kinds of beers out there.

We’ve tried really hard over the last few weeks to familiarize you with the different whiskey types and regions where they’re produced. We think we’ve done a pretty good job covering all the major categories. Unfortunately, that means we’re almost at the end of our discussion of whiskeys. On the up side, there are lots of other types of alcohol to talk about… and we really like beer…

But back to the present! Here’s a review of the major whiskeys we’ve covered over the last couple of months, which we hope you’ve been drinking along with our posts:

Bourbon. An intrinsically American style of whiskey, bourbon is notable for being made mostly from corn and for the strict legal requirements governing its distillation.

Tennessee Whiskey. Another traditional American style of whiskey that uses corn, Tennessee whiskey is similar to bourbon, but has fewer legal standards.

Rye Whiskey. The third important American whiskey, rye whiskey’s popularity has been in decline but holds an important place in American history and is delicious.

Canadian Whiskey. A sad, flavorless blended style from our northern neighbors that the Edukatorz don’t drink, and neither should you.

Scotch (Whisky). The whole of Scotland is whiskey-mad, and they are definitely the power hitters in the game. Think of it like an SAT problem – Whisky:Scotland::Wine:France. We gave an overview of the history, discussed the types of Scotch, and went over the different regions.

Irish Whiskey. The other traditional stronghold of whiskey, Irish whiskey is generally triple-distilled. While different in style from Scotch, and smaller in scope, the few Irish whiskeys produced today should be taken seriously and drank often.

Of course, there are whiskeys from other places, too, just less of it. The Edukatorz don’t really care too much about other whiskeys, but feel like we should give them a nod. Here are some other notable producers of whiskey:

Japan jumped on the whisky bandwagon relatively early compared to the other non-traditional whiskey-producing countries, with the first commercial distillation starting in 1924.. They tend to follow the Scotch style and make single malts and blends. Try the Yamazaki, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Australia, being an ex-British penal colony, naturally produces some whiskeys. They are usually single-malt, and come mainly from Tasmania. We’re told some are quite good.*

Germany has deviated from their delicious beer and ice wine traditions to step into the wonderful world of whiskey distillation. A recent development, they haven’t really developed a unique style and tend to mimic single malts and bourbons. We have infinite trust in the German taste in alcohol, however, so this has to be going somewhere good.

Finland, Wales, France (Brittany), and the Netherlands all have a couple distilleries. England produced a lot of whiskey in the 19th century, and one distillery recently started selling whiskey from there again. Indian whiskey isn’t whiskey, it’s rum. Don’t get it twisted.

While we could probably go on talking about whiskey for a few more months, the posts would likely begin to descend into the realms of slavish propaganda (I mean more than they have already) or insanely boring technicalities. So, to spare you, we’re going to cut ourselves off and call a cab, because drunk driving is for losers.

These posts are just a rough introduction to the magical drink that is whiskey. Hopefully you learned something new, and possibly even gained a deeper appreciation for our favorite liquor. Here’s to your health!

*Beaker, as a rule of thumb, does not trust Australians (don’t ask), so wouldn’t know anything about their whiskeys.

Let’s be serious: if you can’t get some at a wedding, you’re doing it wrong.

There’s something about weddings that just urges people to make out. Jealousy of the lucky soon-to-be-ravenously-screwing honeymooning couple? Biological clocks ticking? Open bar? Whatever it is, it’s a powerful force of nature akin to gravity that single persons seemingly can’t combat. We can call it the Marriage Magnetism.

That being said, there are a few pitfalls to watch out for when you’re trying to make out at a wedding as well as some practical things to think about.

First, and most important: beware incest. If either of the bridal couple is related to you, there’s a definite risk of awkward long-lost-family hookup. Make sure you know exactly how your makeout partner ended up with an invitation. If your family is particularly dysfunctional, you might want to avoid anyone from the same side of the wedding altogether, for fear of never having met your first cousin. And the possibilities there are just gross.

Once you’ve established that the object of your desire is not, in fact, related to you, there are some other things to think about at family weddings. For example, are your parents there? And would they particularly care if they found someone else in your hotel room in the morning?

So, hooking up at a family wedding can be a little trickier, but it can be done. Really, we can’t stress enough how easy it is to hook up at a wedding. Besides the Marriage Magnetism we already discussed, the circumstances are just so good. There’s probably an open bar. Part of the deal is looking like an idiot on the dance floor, so even if you can’t dance, your sense of humor will save the day (and if you need help geetting it started, check this out). Plus, either you or your potential hookup is probably staying upstairs or in a hotel nearby.

Considering all these factors contributing to the increased likelihood of making out during or after a wedding, you mainly just want to be prepared. Scope out the potential hookups during the ceremony and find out who they are. It’s not just family weddings that you need to be cautious about: that hottie at your frat brother’s wedding that seems single could be the wife of the bride’s brother who’s doing a tour in Afghanistan. You tap that, you’re probably not getting invited over to the happy newlyweds’ home for football on Sunday.

Lastly, be aware that there’s a lot of drinking going on at most weddings. Like, a LOT of drinking. You don’t want to be an accidental date rapist, and you don’t want to end up preggers because you forgot to wrap it up (see educational video below). Just because the Marriage Magnetism has you in its grip doesn’t mean that this isn’t like any other drunken hookup, and accordingly you should take the same precautions.

Hipsters also read Vonnegut, but I don't want to sully his good name.

It’s springtime and there’s nothing better to do than go outside and enjoy the great weather before it gets sweltering hot (at least in DC). We already know what hipsters like to wear in the Spring and how they bbq, but they also enjoy hanging out in the park.

Public Drinking/Smoking/Other Substance Abuse

Hipsters love drinking, smoking and other substance abuse. There is no reason that they will discontinue doing any of those things just because they’re hanging out in a park in the springtime. In order to facilitate their public drinking they may go with the brazen ironic hobo paper bag or they may wimp out and just put their booze in a waterbottle or diet coke can.

Reading

Hipsters love to think that they are smarter than everyone else and what better way to prove that they’re smart then by reading a book in the park. You won’t catch a hipster reading Dan Brown’s latest novel, they think that’s for rubes. Instead you’ll see them reading either the latest pretentious book by Jonathan Safran Foer, a book by one of the Beats like Kerouac or Burroughs or a tome by Goethe or Proust.

Photography

Hipsters also like to pretend that they’re “artist.” Hipsters can take pictures of “nature” while in the park without ever having to actually leave the city or get up before noon.

Hating

What better way to enjoy a delightful Spring day then by hating? Hipsters enjoy gathering in the park to hate on all the non-hipsters enjoying the weather.

Dear Edukatorz,

I can’t drink for the next few months because of a medical condition (and no, it’s not called pregnancy). I hadn’t realized it before, but most of my social life involves going to bars or drinking in some capacity. I don’t want to be the loser who can’t go out to the bar with my friends because I can’t drink, but I also want to have a good time. What is a temporarily non-imbibing person supposed to do with their time?

Dear Sober Sally,

Really? To paraphrase Jermaine Stewart, you don’t have to drink to have a good time. In fact straight edge kids are some of the hardest partiers I know. You can still do everything you do already just sans booze and the new sober perspective might even enhance your evenings. Besides, seeing your friends drunk while you’re sober can be quite amusing. Actually remembering the night before has its benefits and you’ll be the one telling embarrassing stories about your friends and not the other way around.

If you don’t think you can go to a bar without drinking you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with alcohol. Maybe you have an addiction? I would have no clue, but a professional would so get in touch with your local mental health services and they’ll point you in the right direction.

Whiskey distilling in Ireland probably dates back longer than 800 years, and many believe that the art of distilling was spread through Europe by Irish missionary monks. The oldest surviving distillery is the Old Bushmills, which was granted its license in 1608 by King James I. Only four distilleries operate in Ireland today, but at the turn of the 19^th century, between 1200 and 2000 (legal and illegal) distilleries were in operation.

Triple Distillation

Most Irish whiskeys are distilled three times, as opposed to twice, like Scotches. The Irish whiskeys also use little or no peat, so you don’t get the harsh smokiness you find in a lot of scotches. Irish whiskey tends to be smoother, with a cleaner taste than Scotch. There are, of course, exceptions to these rules on both sides, but it’s a good rule of thumb.

Pure Pot Still

Pure pot still whiskey is a distillation style unique to Ireland. It is made from a mixture of malted and unmalted barley distilled in a pot still. It used to be widespread, but today the only examples are Redbreast and Green Spot. However, it is not a legally protected term, so some single malt whiskeys are labeled pot still, even though they do not use any unmalted barley.

The Distilleries

The New Midleton Distillery produces Jameson, Paddy, Powers, Midleton, Redbreast and Green Spot (the Green Spot is produced specifically for Mitchell & Son of Dublin and is not generally available outside that city). Old Bushmills Distillery produces all the Bushmills, Black Bush, and 1608. Cooley Distillery produces Connemara, some Knappogues, Michael Collins and Tyrconnell. In 2007, Kilbeggan Distillery was reopened by Cooley and began to produce “The Spirit of Kilbeggan.” Only these last two distilleries are Irish-owned; Pernod-Ricard owns New Midleton and Diageo owns Old Bushmills.

We’ve been talking about Scotch for the last couple weeks, and by now you should realize that Scottish people take their whiskey very seriously. Accordingly, Scotland’s whiskey production is split into regions like you would have for wine. The last thing you need to be prepared to buy a bottle of Scotch is an overview of these regions and their major distilleries, so let’s get into it.

The Lowlands

This region is in the southern part of Scotland, the border stretching from the Clyde estuary to the Tay estuary. Today, the Lowlands currently claims only three distilleries: Auchentoshan, Bladnoch, and Glenkinchie. These produce some of Scotland’s more delicate whiskeys, with grassy, malty characteristics.

The Highlands

The Highlands is pretty much the rest of Scotland, with the other regions representing much smaller geographic areas within the Highlands. That makes a general characterization of Highland whiskeys kind of difficult, and these whiskeys range from sweet to dry, some with fruity notes or even smoke and peat. Some distilleries to try include Glenmorangie, Oban, Glen Ord, Old Pulteney, and Ben Nevis. The latter is on the highest mountain in all the British Isles. If you have the money to blow, this author recommends the Glenmorangie 25 year.

Speyside

Speyside contains half the distilleries in all of Scotland. It also contains most of this author’s favorite Scotches (it’s a safe bet that if you see me at a bar with whiskey in hand, and it’s not bourbon, it’s Macallan 12). These whiskeys are very mellow, sweeter than most, and distinctly fruity. They are also delicious. Obviously try The Macallan, Glenfiddich, The Glenlivet, The Glenrothes, and Balvenie.

Islay

Little island, lots of whiskey. Islay whiskeys are extremely smoky and peaty flavors. There are eight distilleries on the island. We recommend Laphroaig and Lagavulin, mostly because they’re the easiest to find. All eight are definitely worth a try, however, because they have such a distinct flavor.

Campbeltown

As far as the Edukatorz can tell, Campbeltown is considered a region more out of tradition than anything else. This one town used to have over 30 distilleries! Now, however, it has just three: Springbank, Glengyle, and Glen Scotia. These are slightly peaty and salty, with medium to full body.

The Islands

Sometimes considered a separate region, but more traditionally seen as part of the Highlands, is pretty self-explanatory: whiskeys produced on islands of the Scottish coast (except, of course, Islay). We recommend Arran and Talisker.

Well, we cheated you out of one post this week, because this was a week of procrastination for the Edukatorz. But that means you deserve bonus material! From time to time we’ll post about some miscellaneous tidbits about partying and the weekend in this brand-new feature, Hangover Saturdays.

Immediate concerns first, then. If you’re out partying and drinking, you’re going to have to deal with a hangover at some point. This is not fun. Massive headaches, nausea, dizziness, cotton mouth, etc. all combine to make a bad hangover one of the most painful morning experiences you can have. We could tell you how to avoid them in the first place, but it’s Saturday and it’s too late to go back to Friday, so let’s talk about the morning after.

There isn’t any “cure” for a hangover, but understanding what it is can help. It’s basically your body processing too much alcohol and being dehydrated. Therefore, coffee isn’t going to fix anything – it’ll make you more dehydrated. Of course, if you’re a caffeine junkie, you may as well go for it because otherwise you’re going to be dealing with an entirely different kind of headache. Much better drinks for getting over a hangover are water, juice, or sports drinks like Gatorade.

Some people say that you have to pop some Advil or Tylenol before bed to cure a hangover. This is false. First off, those pills only last 4-6 hours, so they’re not going to be helping by the time you wake up. Also, taking acetaminophen (Tylenol) when you’ve been drinking makes your liver unhappy, and no drinker wants their liver being more unhappy than it has to be. The best idea with over-the-counter pain pills is to take ibuprofen or aspirin as soon as you wake up.

Other than that, time is pretty much the only other thing to help your hangover. A drink in the morning might ease the pace of your hangover, but that drink wears off and you just end up postponing the inevitable. Get back in bed, turn down the lights, turn on the TV (on a low volume, of course), and swear you’re never drinking again (until tonight). Good luck!