Well, we hope you survived Snowmageddon, Mid-Atlantic region. We actually had a lot of fun playing football at the Washington Monument, sledding down Capitol Hill, and snowball fighting at Lincoln Park. And drinking a lot of beer, of course. This entertainment got us thinking, though, how does one go about getting someone to make out during a snowstorm? If you already have someone, we got that covered. But much more difficult is hitting on a stranger in a blizzard. But no challenge is too great for the Edukatorz, and we’ve thought this one through for you just in time for tomorrow’s predicted 5 MORE INCHES in DC!
At the Grocery Store
It’s always a good idea to stock up on groceries before a snowstorm, or at least towards the beginning before it accumulates too much, because you might be stuck car-less (and in DC, metro-less) for a while. Even if you’re lucky enough to live close enough to the store to walk, walking groceries through falling snow just isn’t fun. This is a rule that most people follow pretty well (and Washingtonians take to new levels of frenzied panic), so the grocery store should be pretty packed. That makes it a GREAT time to meet someone from your neighborhood!
Judging a good grocery store find is easy, too. She’s got a cart full of Lean Cuisine? Probably not the type for the aspiring amateur chef. He has a basket of tofu? I don’t care how hot he is, if you’ve been stocking up on ribs and burgers, just don’t bother. Plus, you get a lot of time to get to know someone in line, which is of course going to take forever just before a storm. Be careful, though: once you see your hottie, don’t wait until you get in line to talk, because maneuvering your way right behind someone is trickier than it seems and can be downright suicidal if the rest of the customers are panicked enough (you’ve never lived until you’ve seen a DC housewife in furs ram an old man out of the way with her shopping cart – maternal instincts can kick in at odd times).
The absolute best part of getting your game on at the grocery store is that the opening line is so easy. Pork shoulder in the cart? “Oh, are you having a snow-party?” 12-pack of Diet Coke? “I see you’re thinking ahead, I can’t live without that stuff either.” Pack of condoms? “So, how you doin’?” (along with creepy nod).
Since the other people at the store probably live in your neighborhood, the most important benefit is that yes, you can see them during the storm. It’s impossible to make definite plans in other parts of the city, but inviting someone to meet you at the neighborhood snowball fight or even for a walk in the winter wonderland followed by a mug of hot chocolate is easy when they live close by.
At the Snowball Fight
If you didn’t managed to score at the grocery store, you’re definitely going to want to hit the neighborhood snowball fight. DC gets it on with massive organized fights in various parks, and we think that must happen in other cities, too. If not, you should consider organizing one yourself. Hit up the local blogosphere with your idea, us bloggy types love shit like that. Or, just look for the hipsters. They’ll definitely be having a snowball fight.
The big challenge with the snowball fight is that you can’t really see who’s underneath all that snow gear. Even dirty hipsters can be pretty disguised: if they ski or snowboard, they could end up looking exactly like Chad in a full Spyder snowsuit! This isn’t all bad, though: see it as an opportunity to break out of your shell and get to know someone not based on their looks, or even their personality, really, but how hardcore they are in a snowball fight. You’ll know right away whether this person can get down or not – are they screaming and running, or laughing and attacking?
It can be a bit hard to strike up a conversation in this scenario. The best idea is to team up with the person instead. When they get hit, go after whoever hit them, and go from there. Gallantry is always a good look. When you both get tired, invite the person (and, presumably, your respective groups of friends) to share a table at the closest bar.
At the Only Open Bar for Miles
Most neighborhoods have the one central watering hole, serving beer, wings, and whiskey at reasonable prices, that stays open when the wine bar to one side and the classy eatery on the other side are closed. We Edukatorz hope and trust that you are familiar with this place and maybe even know the bartender. Or are the bartender. This is going to be your destination during the afternoon/evening of your snow day… because it will be everyone’s destination.
Basically, the local dive bar takes on an important role during a snowstorm. It is like its usual role as beer supplier, gossip central, and meet-and-greet is magnified. During a snowstorm, not everyone is going to emerge from their cozy houses, so you know that what you’re left with at the bar are alcoholics, members of poorly prepared households who drank all their beer already, or the socially inclined who get cabin fever.
Whether this describes you or not, this mix of people is likely a recipe for fun, so recommend you get out there. Just be careful who you’re hitting on – you don’t want to go for the poorly prepared. They’d be useless during a zombie apocalypse.
Out Shoveling Stuff
A good opportunity to meet that hot neighbor you’ve been lusting after is the morning after the snow stops falling. This is when everyone really gets to attacking their cars and walkways. While the Edukatorz hope you’ve been diligent with periodic shoveling during the storm to keep from having too much to move later, this is the final clean-up point. The entire neighborhood should pretty much be outside working.
This means it’s a great chance to get to know your neighbors, and an even better one to get to know your neighborhood crush. Offer to help them clean off their car or walkway – no one says no to that. This gives you ample time for conversation, which should be easy for even the most tongue-tied of you: Mother Nature handed you a topic ready-made when she dumped snow all over your town. This is the one time when talking about the weather is actually legitimate small talk. And the best part of all this is that helping someone out leaves a positive impression no matter how underwhelming your conversation might be.
Comcast Yule Log: Always a Good Look in the Snow
Once you use our advice to snare a worthwhile makeout partner, be sure to have some good wintertime drinks (the Edukatorz like hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps) and your Comcast yule log burning on the TV! Making out in the snow is not only enjoyable, but you are doing a civic duty when you save energy by sharing body heat. Good luck!